writer

“had she known…”

| Laura Lee Bonde

She has unknown trauma that was triggered by unspeakable acts
Trauma she thought she had worked through yet lingered in the depths of her soul

There it was, staring her in the face from the inside, clawing at her memories and what was happening around her

There was nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
The only way to move forward was to push through

One by one, they ravaged her like animals
Like SHE was an animal
Forced to enjoy what was never planned out

At any moment, it would end (or so she thought)…but it didn’t

The door kept opening
Everything kept happening
In the dark

How could she end up here and be who she was? How could she be worth so little? Or maybe this was what she wanted

Maybe the trauma was calling it, feeding it, putting up with it until…it was done

The degrading
The disrespect
The question “how did you like it”

Finally, it was over, the words came out in tears, her worth stripped away with her dignity. All that was left was a lesson

It’s been a while

| Laura Lee Bonde

It’s been so long, I can’t even remember how long it’s been since I wrote on here.

You see, in 2018, I started my journey in online college courses and earned a bachelor’s degree in social work. In 2022, I graduated.

In 2020, I had breast cancer and kind of hated both worlds: physical and spiritual. I still wrote though.

In 2021, something happened that you’ll have to read in my book (it’s coming out next year).

And also in 2022, I began my journey in online classes to earn a master’s degree in social work, and that’s what’s eating up my time now, but I’m in the middle of homework, and something triggered a memory that I HAVE to get out, and I thought, “Where is it safe to write this?”

I used to write on Facebook, but that comes with a lot of judgment and unwanted therapy. I used to write on here, too, but somehow…just forgot. Well, here I am, and here it goes.

When I was a teenager, about the age of 16, I was living with my mom, who was a drug deeler/drug user. One time, I remember lying in bed, awake, but unable to move, and her boyfriend was having oral sex with me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t talk. All I could do was lie there. Allthewhile, I heard my mother in the other room.

Did she know? I’ll never know. She passed away in 2018. I never would’ve asked her anyway. Like, who wants to know that!

Anyway, the most shameful part of it all was I enjoyed the feeling, and when I came out of it, I continued to have a relationship with him. Isn’t that disgusting? Anyway, that thought came up in the homework I was doing because the subject was about substances and date rape drugs were listed. I wonder what was used on me.

I went through life thinking that that and many other things like that that happened to me were my fault. I’m 51 years old now. I don’t believe that anymore, but still…some things come up in my mind and make me feel like shit. This was one of them.

Thanks for listening…

“Delete”

| Laura Lee Bonde

sometimes people hear what they want to hear
and only see what they want to see

words can be damaging
whether spoken or written
and when people speak or write from darkness
it’s a conduit for pain

I can’t imagine being mean to someone
who just lost a loved one
but honestly
I bet it happens all the time

my heart goes out to all those affected
by other people’s opinions
during times of mourning

whether your mourning the loss of your mother
or maybe mourning the loss of a friendship
an ability
a dream
an opportunity

just like grief has no boundaries
neither does loss
and both are individually tailored
to fit one’s internal wiring

thank God for those who stand with you
and fight for you
because if it was up to me alone right now
I wouldn’t be writing this

I’d be cowering away somewhere
afraid to speak
afraid to write
afraid to reach out for help

what other people think of me
is NONE of my business
I truly believe that
and God’s giving me plenty opportunities
to prove how I believe

the good thing about darkness being spread
through written words is
they only have power
if you read them

“Broken Yoke”

| Laura Lee Bonde

I understand the things of God
being one with Him
I get it
but to those who don’t know Him
it might not make sense
so to be unequally yoked
can be devastating

the conversation
the sense of humor
the priorities
the meaning of life
all different

to be one with light
is one thing
but to be one with darkness
is another

but there are some who make it

the honest
open minded
and willing
allow others to be
and encourage them along the way

if you’re with someone who’s high in spirits
they lift you up
but if you’re with someone who’s always quiet
they pull you down

the trick is
getting back up