Life Transformations
Running Man
Since being sick earlier this week, I missed two days of running, so this morning, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel being back out there, but man, as soon as I started, I felt amazing!
Back in high school, even though I wasn’t very fast, I LOVED running. Then, through the my senior year, a lot of “life” happened, so my running stopped and, until last month, hadn’t started up again.
That’s (almost) THIRTY YEARS! Continue reading
Be Your Own Coach!
For the past few weeks, I’ve been running, and at first, I’d carry my phone to time it on this coaching app, but then I thought about it, “If “time” doesn’t matter, why am I carrying my phone to keep track of it?””, which led me into deeper thought.
With the app, it would tell me things like “speed up” or “slow down” or “watch your breathing,” and I realized it was encouraging me, which is why it’s probably called a coaching app, but in reality, “I” want to be my OWN coach, so that anytime, anywhere, with or without technology, I’ll have my coach with me, and so it began.
Well, today was the first day I DIDN’T carry my phone, and man, what a difference it made!
First of all, my hands were FREE, so I didn’t have to focus on NOT dropping my phone. It may not sound like much, but I could tell a big difference.
Then, as I was running, at different times, I’d pick up the pace considerably, pushing my body to do more than it expected, and guess what? IT COULD DO IT! But the most impressive part of coaching was what I controlled my mind to do.
During my run, I didn’t have ONE negative thought. I never thought about being tired or being out of breath or circumstances in life, etc. Do you know WHY I didn’t have any negative thoughts? Because I didn’t ALLOW myself to. We’re to CONTROL our thoughts, and while I exercise my body, I train my mind what to think. I may “sound” crazy, but I’m FREE, and that’s all that matters!
Of course, I did look at the time when I left and when I got back, and even though I wasn’t technically “faster,” I felt stronger and more empowered and can’t WAIT to apply in my life all that I’m learning when I run because everything I learn in the physical trains me to be stronger in the spiritual (if I listen).
Time can be Damaging
This is my experience only. I’m not a therapist or a counselor or a doctor of any sort. I’m just a woman who’s gone through some things, so I might as well write about one of them.
“Relationships take work.” I’ve heard that so many times and even more so since I’ve been married, and I can tell you from this past year: yes, relationships take work, but if you’re the only one working, it won’t last very long.
Let me put it to you this way: if you have a close friend who never talks to you, even if you meet with them face to face them every day, do you think your “close” friendship will last?
The answer is NO because friendships require vulnerability, vulnerability requires openness, and openness requires talking. These are the raw ingredients needed to have a very healthy relationship.
Talking about what’s going on inside your heart and mind tears down walls that may be protecting you from being known, and being known is what brings people close.
In my life right now, I have someone who never talks to me. I tried and tried to explain the damage it had been creating, but they couldn’t seem to hear or listen, and now…now, it’s too late. Hopefully, in time, we’ll become friends again, but for now, it’s like we’re nothing.
What hurts my heart the most is that I KNOW how good relationships can be. I KNOW the beauty and the nurturing that comes from it, but you can’t MAKE anyone understand as you do, and in this case, the understanding may never come.
Finally, I’m at a point in my life where I’m unwilling to settle. Life is SO worth living and experiencing and enjoying, but I guess each enjoys it in their own special way.
The Black Thread
What are some voices of depression?
“Don’t take a shower!”
“Nobody cares about you!”
“It’s never going to work!”
“You can’t do it!”
…etc.
And most of the time, when I hear people open up about having depression, they “own” it, as if it was a part of them: MY depression this; MY depression that. To me, it’s darkness taking over; it’s becoming intertwined with who you are, but that’s all an illusion.
I’m not speaking from speculation.
I’m speaking from experience.
When I order my silk, there are some parts where there’s a little black thread, which I’m sure was used to mark the yardage. Anyway, when you have white silk with a black string of thread, it’s pretty noticeable, and as long as I leave it there, it stays, but when I pull the end of the thread, it comes out.
Depression is like that black thread. Maybe all it takes is someone pulling it out. Just like that black thread wasn’t part of the white silk, depression isn’t part of who you are.
If you can’t find the thread, find someone who can help you.
I’m telling you: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH DEPRESSION!
It’s never about fighting the lies; it’s simply about believing the truth.
It’s Been Awhile…
Well, I’m out of hiding. Here’s a small explanation of what happened to put me in there.
For the longest time, my blog’s been my journal. I’ve been this “open book” for years, and then, I remarried my ex-husband.
The marriage hasn’t been going well, and I’ve been writing along the way, until late January, when he read through my website. Anyway, since then, I changed my settings to “private” and, for the most part, stopped writing.
Since then, I’ve written some poems on Facebook but never transferred them here because it was “private;” I mean, why bother? And as far as my other writing has gone…well, it hasn’t, but I’m tired of hiding, so I’m letting my website be seen and will start, next week, hiding any work that involves my husband.
If you want a private life, never marry a life writer, and if you don’t want anything bad written about you, then treat people well, and if you don’t know how to treat people well, get help! There’re many resources out there to assist you along the way.
Communication is the key that unlocks the prison of unresolved conflict.
Ever since my husband read my website…
I’ve had immense trouble writing. 😦
I’ve done a few poems and such but haven’t posted them here, but I will.
Writing has helped me through the toughest of times.
Now, I’m forced to change.
I’m not sure what “force” is doing the pushing though…doesn’t feel like God.
But, I’ve been wrong before.
Yesterday was my birthday!
January 21, 2017
My first birthday without my boys.
My last birthday with Katie and Ariel.
Every day should be treated as a first and last because you never know if tomorrow will come.
I posted many pictures in an album on Facebook that you can access here, if you care to see, but there are some pictures that didn’t make it there.
These are the flowers from my son. Every year, I wake up to them, and realizing I wouldn’t have them broke my heart, but he must’ve known that because he contacted Katie to have them bought for me, so when the girls and I arrived home from the sunrise, there they were.
And this is my homemade carrot cake from Katie. It was the most amazing carrot cake I’ve ever eaten, and I just turned 45, so that’s a lot of carrot cake years to compare it to. It was DELISH!!
And my candles…the red one’s for Kyle. The rest were Raider black and silver!! #raidernation
She leaves on January 31st
[written 1/17/17]
On Sunday morning, I wasn’t feeling well, and as I was talking to Katie, I began weeping and couldn’t stop. Then, Katie started naming off all the positive things that’ve happened as a result of the past seven months, and eventually, I stopped crying. I’m gonna miss her.
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 