This morning, I couldn’t wait to dance with God at church!

While dancing, there was no fear about tomorrow’s appointment. There were very few thoughts of cancer whatsoever. Apart from that time, it’s been pretty constant.

It’s not constant in a way that I’m dreading it or anything. The thoughts are constant in the way they sporadically come on a regular basis.

Being scared has been sort of normal. And it doesn’t mean I’m not trusting God.

I have a lot to learn about my diet, this growth, the surgery plans, my energy, and unfortunately, I don’t believe it’ll all be answered tomorrow, so I’ll focus on what God answered today.

Today, as I was dancing, I saw the shadow of my flag on the floor. As I danced with the flag, the shadow moved. It felt like God was telling me that this cancer was but a shadow.

If I choose to give up, I’m sure the shadow would grow, but if I choose to fight, the shadow will move.

I’m a warrior, a queen.
I will not stop living, but I also will not stop writing how I feel.

“Butterfly Effect”

A beautiful heart
can be misunderstood
at any given moment

A heart that loves wholly
can be taken romantically
when it wasn’t given that way

Where are the times
of close friendships
or have those times ended

Love can be such a beautiful thing
yet at the same time
it can cause such heartache

I dance to dance
not to be danced with

I love to love
not to be loved

I listen to hear
not to be heard

I talk to communicate
not to flirt

This open little butterfly heart
wants to fly back in the cocoon
but I guess that’d be like
entering back in the womb

So I’ll continue to dance
to love
to listen and talk
and continue causing heartache
along the way

“Negative Vibes”

I “could be” farther along than I am
but if I focus on that
I’ll miss out on where I am

but it’s just hard not to notice
what keeps holding me back

a failing business
because I keep failing
a distant marriage
because we’re still strangers
kids that keep leaving
because they’re not happy

it’s like I’m reminded every day
of what’s not right
meaning most what I see
seems wrong

so I stay in God’s word and pray
worship through my heart
and dance
every chance I get
but how does that help?

it’s like I’m reminded every day
of what’s not right
meaning most what I see
seems wrong

still looking
still waiting
still hoping

That Scraping Sound

On Friday night, I was invited to a worship gathering but had no idea what was in store for me.

First of all, I LOVE going places for the very first time! It never bothers me to go places alone because I’ve always “had” to go places alone. Actually, I get excited to find out where I’m going. Are you like that? Anyway, this story has a twist. Continue reading

Dream Working

I want to share with you the story behind making these flags.image

Over the weekend, I received a rush order on Etsy. A young lady wanted a set of flags to dance with on stage at her church and wanted them shipped quickly, so she could practice.

They were a smaller set, so I had the material and said I’d have them done, and then, I waited. I’m learning that a lot (if not all) of what I make is God’s timing.

My Monday was pretty busy, so I hadn’t even thought about the flags because I didn’t want to force or rush anything. Then, on Monday night, I had a dream.

In my dream, I was making these flags. I woke up knowing how to tie them, how to fold them, how and when to add the colors as I folded, etc, so when I woke up Tuesday morning, I was ready to go, but Katie was asleep in the living room, so I had to wait.

When I knew she’d awoken, I jumped up to begin.

The only color I was given in the order was a navy blue WITHOUT purple. Some of you know the challenge I’ve had in having a dark blue show up without purple, so I wasn’t too excited about that color.

When I first mixed some navy blue…purple, so I added something else…darker purple, but then, when I added my mixture to blue, a beautiful dark blue showed up. Now, it was time to choose some other colors.

I only came up with one, mixed the other shade of blue, and began on the flags.

When I say these can never be recreated, I mean it! I “know” everything’s possible with God, but I don’t think HE means for any of these to be recreated, so I try not to stress about it. Anyway, they turned out GORGEOUS!

Now…to see if the customer liked them.

On Etsy, I sent a picture and waited (for hours). Her reply made me cry!

They are amazing if I could have given you the picture I had in my head that was it!!! Ah I’m so excited thank you so much I could just cry”

Isn’t that AMAZING!!! Anyway, I really wanted to share this one with you all!

A Dance in Glory

Many times, I’m told that people were drawn to look at me while I was dancing with flags, but as soon as they caught themselves, they apologized to God and looked away, but I’m not totally convinced that watching people worship’s a bad thing. Countless times, I’ve found myself watching others worship because of they way they were worshiping; it had drawn me deeper into the heart of God.

At Red Seal Ministries
At Red Seal Ministries

Last night, I had an amazing time dancing with God during worship. Youknow, the phrase for my business is “worship flags that release God’s glory.” That phrase was written for a reason, and I believe people are drawn the glory I’m dancing in, not necessarily me.

I picture it this way: everything God’s done in me and through me pours into my dance, and it gives Him glory, which He gives right back to me. I think THAT’s what people see. Although, I could be wrong. I’ve just heard many people have repented for watching me during worship, and I’m not sure they need to.

“Just Me”

I’m not like anyone else
just me
and there are moments when that’s great
and there are other moments

I wish I always saw through God’s eyes
always saw the heart
just the heart

in myself
in others
in Him

I worship the way I worship
I dance the way I dance
sometimes drool when I sleep
I’m just me
and when I walk in my shoes
there’s Power