Out of the Box

When I was drinking, I used to make Hamburger Helper A LOT, so much so that the kids (and others) were “sick” of it, but as I sobered up, I learned to cook, and the times I made Hamburger Helper were few and far between, and almost every time we’ve had it, it’s been at Nathan’s request but only of a certain kind.

For as long as I can remember, Nathan’s loved the cheeseburger macaroni one, so I, always, associate it with him. Well, tonight, Scott made it for dinner, and I ALMOST made it through without crying…almost.

Near the end, I broke down, and I’ll be fine if I NEVER eat the cheeseburger Hamburger Helper again. I miss him so much and doubt it will ever stop.

All in One

I love the title God gave me for this because it’s not what you think it is, and that makes me smile.

Lately, grocery shopping has been a luxury…buying meat has been a splurge. It’s just the way it’s been. We do with what we have and buy only what we need. We haven’t been eating fruits and vegetables and stuff because those are “extras.” This isn’t a pitty-potty post. It’s reality sometimes for some people, but the other day, for a moment, all of that changed.

I was sitting with a friend, and she asked me if we had food, so I explained our situation, and to my surprise, she gave me $40.00 to buy something good to make for the kids for dinner. You have no idea what that did to a mommy who loves to cook for her kids.

It opened a door. Continue reading

Dinner’s Done

In the beginning of my recovery through AA, I’d felt I’d finally made it “home.” Everyone accepted me, loved me, remembered my name. It was so good. I loved going to meetings and acted a certain way there, which the kids rarely saw at home.

I remember times when the kids would say, “You need a meeting,” and I’d usually leave to go to one. By the time I came back, I was in a good mood, ready to be a mom. That lasted for years, until I really surrendered to God. Continue reading

A First and Last Meal

On Saturday, Katie told me (with much excitement) that she and her boyfriend had been approved for a place and would be moving in together at the end of the month. [The first place fell through.] When I received the news, I didn’t cry. I thought, “Oh, maybe it’s because I cried the first time around,” but I was wrong…way wrong. Continue reading

A Dinner Worth Waiting For

Sometimes life gets in the way of living. If I sat down and thought about it, there would probably be something to do in the form of worship, prayer, study, etc. every night of the week, and there have been times when I have been caught up in that. Well, this week, I really want to go to a worship thing on Saturday evening, so I’ve been staying home from other events, and it has truly blessed me.

On Monday, after stopping by to check on Lee, I came home to my Carolyn being home. Normally, she’s with her dad. He took so long to pick her up that she ended up staying with me, and we shared some one-on-one time together: we cried (about Lee and my pulled heart); we laughed together…it was good. And last night, I spent some one-on-one time with my Katie. Continue reading

A Date Night to Remember

It’s very rare that I get time alone with each of my kids, so I need to “make” that time, which I did last night. On Saturday, I saw a yummy recipe online and asked Katie if I could make dinner for her on Tuesday night and spend the evening with her. (At times, I either have the little ones or head to Red Seal.) She said, “Yes,” so I blocked off the evening for her and her alone. (I love the word “alone” because it comes from “all one.” Last night, I was “all one” with Katie.)

A couple months ago, I attempted to make her breaded zucchini and it turned out horrible, so this was going to be my redemption night. She even said, “It won’t be like last time, right?” Ha! I hoped not. I made this one-pot-pasta, where you put all the ingredients into the pan at the same time and let it cook. The whole process from cutting to cooking probably took about thirty minutes. It turned out SO YUMMY!

Katie receives love best in different ways: having food cooked for her, washing the dishes by hand, leaving little notes. She wasn’t raised with “hugs,” so they don’t speak very loudly to her. I am honored to have this chance to “love” her well. There are many distractions in this world, many things to do, many places to be. I am so grateful that God reminds me where I need to be and when I need to be there. Every moment alive counts.

Yesterday, on the freeway in the rain, I noticed some erratic driving and had this thought: if I died, I believe my kids would be okay because they are in the best place ever. They have seen enough of God through my living to have a solid foundation. They are so close amongst themselves that I know they would stay together. They would know where I was at. They would hurt but they would be okay. (But I really don’t think that I’m going to die any time soon.)