God

“The Waking Hour”

| Laura Lee Bonde

as I write
I feel
and as I feel
I write

not believing
what I feel
and not feeling
what I believe

even now
crying
not knowing where I am
not knowing where I’m going

I know there’s more
a deeper freedom residing
where I can be “me”
no matter who I’m around

that was the thing
to bring people joy
to change the atmosphere
and dream

but when every dream
becomes a nightmare
and every sleep
brings a disturbing dream

the problem lies in waking
not in sleeping

but there’s this Truth I know
woven into my heart
of being One with Him
and having hope

misery CAN’T be His plan
so I’ll fight where I stand
by letting Him lead
His way to goodness

“Inside the Truth”

| Laura Lee Bonde

the beauty of love
is found in God’s heart
and only those there
will find it

there’s just no way to duplicate
His perfect love
no way to mask
something else

for its fruit will be known
by its awful taste
and the emptiness
known by its sight

“Cloudy, with a Chance of Rain”

| Laura Lee Bonde

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the quiet
brings the storm
poem after poem
wave after wave
of tears

when will my spirit
break through my soul
and Lighten the words
of my heart

a mother weaning
a wife fading
as friends turn away
and worry

all that’s left
is You in my heart
sifting through chaos
to bring clarity

as a mother
as a wife
as a friend

to a child
to a husband
to a friend

if I follow God
who cares what man thinks
but if I follow man
what will follow me

Next in Line: Cutting in front of people at the grocery store

| Laura Lee Bonde

Last night, I stayed up till midnight to celebrate my sobriety date, and here it is, almost midnight again, and I’m barely writing about it.

Every year, I seem to write about how I never think about drinking, but this year’s been different because of the last few months.

Lately, I don’t really write about how I’m feeling because, one, I’m married, and, two, I haven’t felt very positive, but to give you a little insight, here was my day, yesterday (the 23rd). Continue reading →

“Foreign Map”

| Laura Lee Bonde

all of a sudden
time’s standing still
every minute rolling by
to the next
thinking about
Carolyn and Nathan
and their first day of school

I think of their hearts
breaking
the disappointments
from expectations

kids have it tough though
their journey not their own
their fate
in the parents hands

I can’t help but think
how my decisions led them here
where they cry from depression
where the air’s empty of hope
where their face-to-face with friends
is on Snapchat

I know…
trust God
and keep moving
but in which direction

“Straight Jacket”

| Laura Lee Bonde

the thing about isolating
is that you can’t hide
from yourself

where I go
I am
where I’ve been
I was
where I’m going
has yet to be seen

in a vision
in a dream
in my hopes
in reality

I’ve never been
in THIS place before
mentally
physically
emotionally
spiritually

surrounding me
are choices
not four corners
but a circle

and I’m the one
in the middle
rocking

“Anonymys”

| Laura Lee Bonde

I’ve finally gotten
to the place
I never wanted
to be

where there’re no words
no expression of thought
to reach out to others
from inside

a place where I’m not
my own
a place hidden away
behind a curtain

and it breaks my heart

one thing different
about me
has been my
transparency

well

when two become one
I guess I’m not one
anymore
but two

and my other half
would like to leave
his book closed

this is so very sad to me
I can’t explain how it
hurts
and maybe – now –
I can’t

was this part of God’s plan
I can’t imagine it would be
we’ll see how it goes
maybe writing in code

if he knew what was on ‘here’
it’d break him
he only sees faKebook
and that hurts him

if I could turn back time
I’d never get married
I’d never split up my kids
I’d never be in Texas

but here I am
a writer without a pen
a poet without an outlet
a wife without a smile
a woman trapped
on the inside