every time I think I’ve found me
she’s gone again
and then I’m challenged
to be the me that people see
but what does that look like?

at times, I break down crying
tired of moving forward
but won’t stand still
is that the me they wanna see?

at times, I act as if nothing’s wrong
hiding inside so no one will see
what I’m thinking
what I’m feeling
how I’m doing
is that the me they wanna see?

at times, I think I’m silly
for ever worrying about anything
that the me I’m supposed to be
shouldn’t do that
is that the me they wanna see?

I used to wake up smiling
ready to tackle the day
now, I just stare at nothing
and wonder how I’ll get up
is that the me they wanna see?

when I think about me
I think about God
and how deep inside His heart I am
that’s the me that everyone sees

but she feels
she doubts
she cries
she disconnects
she wonders
she overcomes
she loves
all inside His beautiful heart
where she finds herself
every day

The Clean Inside

For the past week, I’ve been cleaning a lot and, while doing so, have had some really cool conversations with God, and the whole time, there’s been a part of me that’s asked Him, “What was fixed?”, and I believe He’s been showing me.

First of all, let me give you a little background about my cleaning: Continue reading

Betrayed into Hiding

Recently, I was talking with a friend about how being betrayed by someone had caused me to go-into-hiding, without even realizing it. The strange part was it had happened to her, too. Since then, I’ve been wondering how often that happens. I’m sure in wondering, God will reveal it.

In my situation, it was all very strange. Around that same time, different responsibilities had been surfacing, money wasn’t pouring in for gas, invitations were coming in all directions, so all of these things were masking what was really going on deep inside of me: I was hiding. Continue reading

“Dripping Heart”

my whole walk through the bible
I’ve considered God
but if He looks at my heart
is He focused on my face

I believe the tears He wipes
are from my heart
because at times
I’m fine on the outside
and my inside’s distraught

when my heart cries out
God grabs His bottle
collects tears from my heart
and nurtures it to wholeness

perfect Love
perfect God

A Step to Know

Most of you know that my ex-husband was in town and had been staying with us for over a week. The way he took care of us all was simply amazing: treating us out to eat all the time; a couple trips to Sam’s Club; Disneyland; trips to different stores, etc. We all spent a lot of good time together, and then on Tuesday, he took the little ones to buy new clothes for school.

As we were out and about shopping, God had a few things on His list for me to do. At the first store we went to in the mall, a young lady was working…all tatted out. The print and colors on her shirt matched one of her tattoos very well, so I commented on it. She said, “Yeah,” giggled, and kept on walking past. As she walked away, God began to speak to me about her. Continue reading