marriage

In Order for a Reason

| Laura Lee Bonde

Change…it never bothered me, until everything changed; then, I learned how difficult it actually was, and so far, I haven’t handled it very well.

Even last night, at the dinner table, I was trying to remember a day I hadn’t cried and couldn’t think of one Continue reading →

“Relationship Takes Two”

| Laura Lee Bonde

under His Glory
beneath the stars
on solid ground

He spends time with me

under His Glory
beneath the stars
on solid ground

I spend time with Him

could you imagine
if one of us
didn’t

if only “I” was talking
never hearing from God
never seeing a sign

and what about Him

if “He” was only talking
as I lived my life
apart from Him

Hosea was placed
in marriage
for a purpose

to show how
one-sided
the relationship was

my prayer is for all
to spend time with Him

under His Glory
beneath the stars
on solid ground

“For Your Eye Site”

| Laura Lee Bonde

man, my writing used to be
full of life one could breathe
but now
it seems to be one moment
of despair
after another
I wanna be that life for you
for my family
for my husband
but when you’re unhappy in marriage
you tend to gasp
for air

I went from absolute freedom
to losing at childish games
passive aggressiveness
silence with problems
different ambitions
actually, no ambitions
opposite health
goals
everything

I can’t even explain it
or maybe I shouldn’t
it-takes-two
has turned to one
but I know what I’m good for

being corrected
being demeaned
being smiled at
sex

there’s no intimacy
apart from sex
there’s no interest
in anyone else
but the cat

I wasn’t blind
things were hidden
I felt God speak
so I jumped
without a parachute
and landed
too broken to move

so I breathe
in and out
in and out
in and
out
in
and out

it’s there
where I think to go on
or not
behind closed doors
deeply in God
anything’s possible
but as I take on the day
I feel ruined

trapped
in words
trapped
in thought
trapped
in side

this is another one
of those hidden poems
in plain site

“Maskbook”

| Laura Lee Bonde

never feeling the weather
behind the scene
never seeing the tears
behind the selfie
never hearing the argument
behind the pose
never tasting the food
behind the picture
never quite knowing
what’s “really” going on

yes Facebook
might’ve gotten it wrong
but people’ve become used
to what’s in front of them
forgetting that looks
can be deceiving

“A Sad Goodbeye”

| Laura Lee Bonde

there’s a life I lived
just me and the kids
a life we loved
and can never go back to

there wasn’t much room
but we always saw each other
cramped but comfortable
smiling
goofing around
laughing
something we thought
we’d never lose
until I gave it away

now here we are
together
yet separated
my son far away

my life now with my ex
one who always seemed
to fit in visits
doesn’t fit in life
opposite
doesn’t laugh
rarely talks
consumed by self
and then us

one of the hardest things
is to make laughter
out of sadness
to make hope
out of a life they hate
watching them without smiles
without laughter
without “us”

it’s not about what “I’ve” done
it’s about a choice I made
with my heart
not realizing
what it’d cost

well
the high price’s been paid
now in debt
I stay aware

of what can be done
of what can be changed
of who might be released

I have the choice
to send my kids back
to live with their dad
and find new life
or I have the choice
to keep them here
and create a life
they’ll never enjoy

I know “never”‘s a heavy word
but if you were here…
if you knew…
if you saw…
you’d never disagree

one of the hardest things
to let go of
is a life you’ve loved
but will never have again

why do we always see
what isn’t there
why is always
too late

in my defense
I really thought
we’d love this
how was I to know
reality
would differ
from visits