Change…it never bothered me, until everything changed; then, I learned how difficult it actually was, and so far, I haven’t handled it very well.
Even last night, at the dinner table, I was trying to remember a day I hadn’t cried and couldn’t think of one, and a big part of me’s thought, “Whatever God had planned for me, I don’t think I can handle it,” but maybe I can and maybe I will, but that’s yet to be seen.
This morning, a friend refreshed my memory of who I am and how I should fly, and it reminded me of something God and I were talking about the other day.
A part of me has felt lackadaisical about writing my book, but then I remembered reading a chronological bible and had the greatest idea, but, for a moment, thought I was too late.
In that bible, it had David going through a battle and then the psalm he wrote right after it. I thought, “Wow, that would’ve been a great idea to do,” and then I thought, “Wait a minute! I HAVE been doing that,” so now, it’s time to put some thought into action, so along with publishing a book of poetry, I’ll entwine my poetry into my book.
I’ve always known my poems were to stay in chronological order but never imagined placing them throughout the stories of my life.
Can you imagine: a chapter of absolute joy and the poetry that was written in certain moments; a chapter of absolute heartache and the poetry poured out as well; etc.! It’ll be amazing!
And I’m convinced: the most beautiful thing about depression is the poetry from the saddened heart.
Anyway, I know I’ve been silent recently, and right now, silence’s good because everything I want to say (probably) shouldn’t be heard, but rest assured, my book will be VERY real, full of excitement, disappointment, and hope (to name a few).