“Response Ability”

throughout life
you’ll encounter people
who may not know who they are
and as they speak to you
they’ll tear you down
with words looks and actions
but if you live your life through God’s heart
even as they tear you down
He’ll be rebuilding

it’s who He is
it’s what He does

and in every moment of pain
you’ll have the chance to decide
will you react in fear
or will you respond in love

“Anonymys”

I’ve finally gotten
to the place
I never wanted
to be

where there’re no words
no expression of thought
to reach out to others
from inside

a place where I’m not
my own
a place hidden away
behind a curtain

and it breaks my heart

one thing different
about me
has been my
transparency

well

when two become one
I guess I’m not one
anymore
but two

and my other half
would like to leave
his book closed

this is so very sad to me
I can’t explain how it
hurts
and maybe – now –
I can’t

was this part of God’s plan
I can’t imagine it would be
we’ll see how it goes
maybe writing in code

if he knew what was on ‘here’
it’d break him
he only sees faKebook
and that hurts him

if I could turn back time
I’d never get married
I’d never split up my kids
I’d never be in Texas

but here I am
a writer without a pen
a poet without an outlet
a wife without a smile
a woman trapped
on the inside

“Invisible View”

some people only want to read joy
some people only want to read pain
life lived without pretending
will have more than one emotion
an open heart is free
to cry
to laugh
to enjoy
to contemplate
to rejoice
to reach out
to reach in
not everyone opens up
not everyone judges
not everyone condemns
not everyone loves
the way God loves

The Outcast

Yesterday, Carolyn had her last band competition in LA, which was too far for me to travel: I didn’t have the money or the gas, so we both knew I wouldn’t’ve been able to make it, and since we’ve been bonding a lot lately, that was hard on both of us.

She was supposed to arrive back at the school at 1:00 AM, so before I went to bed, I set my alarm, and before I did that, I sent her a text of how I loved her.

After ten, she responded with what a hard day it had been. She’d endured it with pain and tears. She was tired and couldn’t wait to be home, and in her text, she put, “Mom, you don’t even know,” so I knew there was more to her day than just pain. Continue reading

Off the Roller Coaster…FINALLY

Okay, remember the other night, I was at Carolyn’s band performance? Well, that evening, I found myself totally content on where I was and haven’t differed since.

While I was watching Carolyn, I realized how nothing was distracting me; there was nothing in the way of me seeing her, watching her, taking every movement in, and then it dawned on me what a priceless gift it was to be a single mom. Continue reading