Okay, remember the other night, I was at Carolyn’s band performance? Well, that evening, I found myself totally content on where I was and haven’t differed since.
While I was watching Carolyn, I realized how nothing was distracting me; there was nothing in the way of me seeing her, watching her, taking every movement in, and then it dawned on me what a priceless gift it was to be a single mom.
I loved how she had my total attention, and then, I thought about it: if I’d had been “with” someone, how my attention would’ve had to’ve been shared.
Earlier in the day, my head had started hurting and had only gotten worse. After the performance, Carolyn was in a wheelchair from intense pain.
Normally, things like this would’ve triggered a thought of “I wish I didn’t have to do this all alone” but not this time! That thought never even crossed my mind.
I wonder how often pain is sent as a distraction to take one’s focus off of the beauty of a moment.
Anyway, the next morning, on our way to church, I was on a High like you wouldn’t believe. I was cracking Carolyn UP! At one point, she said, “Mom, you’re scaring me (with a smile).” I told her what I was High on.
I explained to her how she’d had all of my attention the night before and how happy I was to be single. I KNOW relationships take work, and that’s work I don’t have to take right now. It’s such a blessing in disguise!
We had fun the rest of the way to church, but after using her crutches to get upstairs to youth group, she found herself in pain…and in tears, so we left and spent a wonderful day together, watching football and movies.
We bonded SO deeply: she ended up rooting for the Raiders! Carolyn…the Raiders…one for the records book!!
Since this revelation on relationships, attention, and gifts, I haven’t gotten back on that roller coaster of emotions. I’d like to say I’ll never get back on it, but only time will tell. I know it’s only been a few days, but I really feel “solid” in this area.
We’ll see what my poems have to say. They (normally) reveal the truth of how I feel in the moment I’m feeling it.
As of now, I’m glad my kids have all of me and I have all of them.