What do you call yourself?

When I talk to myself, I call myself “Laura Lee.”

“Drowning”

I’m in this place
with no windows
tears filling the room
like rain

having friends
yet no one to talk to
having vision
yet not all the rent

how could I ask anyone
to understand
when I myself
don’t understand

every tear
leading to a thought
every thought
leading to a tear

feeling like a failure
again
feeling unattractive
again

feeling

again

without
a friend
to listen

finding myself
alone

with the only One
Who cares
the only One
Who listens
the only One
Who never judges

another day
where hiding seems to be
the only option

Off the Roller Coaster…FINALLY

Okay, remember the other night, I was at Carolyn’s band performance? Well, that evening, I found myself totally content on where I was and haven’t differed since.

While I was watching Carolyn, I realized how nothing was distracting me; there was nothing in the way of me seeing her, watching her, taking every movement in, and then it dawned on me what a priceless gift it was to be a single mom. Continue reading

Bye for Now

I’m going on a retreat tomorrow but am going to start withdrawing now, so I won’t be writing for a few days.

Let me tell you about my retreat. I’m so excited!!

I’m going to a retreat center on Palomar Mountain. Normally, people go there in groups of hundreds. I like to go alone.

In the past, I’ve gone to another center, but this will be my first time at this one. Because I’m a leader, I get the “pastor’s special,”…all meals included. I won’t be taking anything electronic with me. My car’s been acting up, so I’ll take my phone, but hopefully, I won’t turn it on.

I’m excited: me, God, bibles, paper, pens, thoughts, imagination, conversation…

all alone…

all one with God.

Discernment of Doors

I have often prayed, “God, only open the doors you have for me and close everything else,” but for some reason, I have walked through countless doors that weren’t meant for me to walk through, and I’m not sure how that happened. Well, actually, I “know”…just some things aren’t MEANT for Facebook, but if you ask me, I’ll tell you.

Some of you may know that I almost married a man who hated my laughter, thought I was a bad mother, and didn’t like my kids, and that’s only PART of the list of things that were “wrong” with me, yet I said ‘yes’ to almost spending the rest of my life with him. Continue reading