Fighting To Win

If you think I’m sulking and falling apart, you’re wrong. But I’m definitely still “feeling” and probably will throughout this whole journey.

Yesterday, I reminded myself that this is a wonderful opportunity for growth. And just like with growth, there’ll be pain along the way.

And yes, I’ve still found excitement through this.

I’m excited to learn, so I’ll be better equipped to be there for those women God puts in my life, so I can help them through it. And for that, I am excited!

I know about rape and sexual assault and how no matter how hard you scrub in the shower, it will never come off. That’s what cancer feels like, so when a woman says it feels like rape, I’ll understand.

Understanding one another is key to being able to help one another. I don’t know why that makes a difference, but it does.

I know that yearning feeling of wishing I was in love, so that someone could hold me with intent.

I’m learning what not to say and how to be there for someone.

I’ve ordered my new sheets and will be getting a mattress pad to make my bed more comfy, just in case I need to spend a lot of time in it.

I’ll be able to help prepare someone to make their journey just a little bit easier.

This IS an opportunity for growth, and I’m ceasing it!!

Yes, I’ll be writing as I go through things, but never miss that important part…”as I GO THROUGH things.”

I never stop walking. I just like to talk while I walk. #cancersucks

Sexual Misconduct

With everything going on in the news, it’s made me wonder: why haven’t “I” ever come forward with the names of those who hurt me?

The only reason I’ve come up with is that it’s because I’ve been healed from everything, but still, many things happened…many.

Like the time I was sixteen, when the manager at Burger King told me to sleep with him or I’d be out of a job, I lost my job.

Or when shortly after that, a forty year old man seduced me for months…I didn’t know any better. If you aren’t raised right, chances are, you’re not going to choose right. Anyway, there’s more. Continue reading

Locking Your Own Chains

Do you ever have those moments where something enters your thoughts, your heart, and you have to do something or else you’ll explode?

That was me about twenty minutes ago, and you’re lucky I didn’t write then. I’ve calmed down some. I’ve spent time with God and still can’t contain what’s going on inside me, so I’m writing it out.

I don’t understand unforgiveness within the church, and I refuse to try to. Continue reading