creative people
need space to create
space can be
room
time
place
support
without this space
there’s no room
there’s no time
there’s no place
there’s no support
which sometimes suffocates
art
writing
Sobriety
Yesterday, I was surprised that I never got around to writing about my sobriety, but then again, I wasn’t that surprised at all.
You see, there’s been a fear in me about writing: who can know; things aren’t perfect; how can I be honest without drowning others; how can I be transparent without exposing…the list of fears goes on and on, and that list has kept me from writing, but that’s letting fear control me, which isn’t who I am at all.
The moment I stepped into God, Continue reading
“Kneeling Inside”
wondering
where your life’s going
thinking
where life’s been
sometimes…overwhelming
but if I take each moment as
now
it’s much easier to breathe
now…
my coffee
my laptop
my heart
now…
recovery
exercise
my girls
now…
distance
football
my boys
now…
an ending
a beginning
a moment in time
time…
a life worth living
a living worth experiencing
an experience worth loving
each moment
spent with God
each breath
shared with Jesus
each thought
known by Him
living where I am
is my now
“The Picnic Table”
last night
I had a dream
one on One
with God
He talked to me
about writing
and what it does
for people
He told me the benefits
of writing for others
and the difference
of only writing to Him
He finally asked me
“what’re you gonna DO about it?”
I woke up
wanting to write
I will never
forget this dream
especially since
I’m writing it down
He sees
what not writing does to me
and I see
how much He cares
Be Your Own Coach!
For the past few weeks, I’ve been running, and at first, I’d carry my phone to time it on this coaching app, but then I thought about it, “If “time” doesn’t matter, why am I carrying my phone to keep track of it?””, which led me into deeper thought.
With the app, it would tell me things like “speed up” or “slow down” or “watch your breathing,” and I realized it was encouraging me, which is why it’s probably called a coaching app, but in reality, “I” want to be my OWN coach, so that anytime, anywhere, with or without technology, I’ll have my coach with me, and so it began.
Well, today was the first day I DIDN’T carry my phone, and man, what a difference it made!
First of all, my hands were FREE, so I didn’t have to focus on NOT dropping my phone. It may not sound like much, but I could tell a big difference.
Then, as I was running, at different times, I’d pick up the pace considerably, pushing my body to do more than it expected, and guess what? IT COULD DO IT! But the most impressive part of coaching was what I controlled my mind to do.
During my run, I didn’t have ONE negative thought. I never thought about being tired or being out of breath or circumstances in life, etc. Do you know WHY I didn’t have any negative thoughts? Because I didn’t ALLOW myself to. We’re to CONTROL our thoughts, and while I exercise my body, I train my mind what to think. I may “sound” crazy, but I’m FREE, and that’s all that matters!
Of course, I did look at the time when I left and when I got back, and even though I wasn’t technically “faster,” I felt stronger and more empowered and can’t WAIT to apply in my life all that I’m learning when I run because everything I learn in the physical trains me to be stronger in the spiritual (if I listen).
Time can be Damaging
This is my experience only. I’m not a therapist or a counselor or a doctor of any sort. I’m just a woman who’s gone through some things, so I might as well write about one of them.
“Relationships take work.” I’ve heard that so many times and even more so since I’ve been married, and I can tell you from this past year: yes, relationships take work, but if you’re the only one working, it won’t last very long.
Let me put it to you this way: if you have a close friend who never talks to you, even if you meet with them face to face them every day, do you think your “close” friendship will last?
The answer is NO because friendships require vulnerability, vulnerability requires openness, and openness requires talking. These are the raw ingredients needed to have a very healthy relationship.
Talking about what’s going on inside your heart and mind tears down walls that may be protecting you from being known, and being known is what brings people close.
In my life right now, I have someone who never talks to me. I tried and tried to explain the damage it had been creating, but they couldn’t seem to hear or listen, and now…now, it’s too late. Hopefully, in time, we’ll become friends again, but for now, it’s like we’re nothing.
What hurts my heart the most is that I KNOW how good relationships can be. I KNOW the beauty and the nurturing that comes from it, but you can’t MAKE anyone understand as you do, and in this case, the understanding may never come.
Finally, I’m at a point in my life where I’m unwilling to settle. Life is SO worth living and experiencing and enjoying, but I guess each enjoys it in their own special way.
“Interrogation”
the further I got away from writing
the louder doubt became that I’m even able to write
is there anything in my heart that needs hearing?
is it just another voice to drown out what’s real?
doubt has a cunning way of forming questions
and answers
but the secret in coming against it
is to have faith
because THAT will get you past all fear
“Testing the Waters”
I’m back
although people may not’ve noticed me
gone
but I’m back
I think
in a way I shut down
being open about my life
because of advice
because of fear
because of betrayal
but one thing’s for certain
I feel “called” to write
publicly
so when I don’t
I feel out of balance
you’ve missed birthdays
and deaths
trials
and triumphs
so as I stand up strong
with my core intact
I’ll let every word
flow
from my heart and mind
I’m no longer
afraid
to be me
if you don’t want me
to write about you
don’t hurt me
“Never from Nowhere”
there’s always a reason behind my writing
it’s my heart’s reaction to what’s happened
or what’s happening
sometimes I’ll lie and say it’s someone else
but in reality
it’s just me
and most likely
the lie is to protect someone else
and in protecting someone else
I may be left hurt
but that’s where I grow
and not let things control me
not let circumstances dictate my health
not let someone else’s issues stifle my laugh
but there’s always a reason behind my writing
and there’s always a smile
waiting to shine
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 