Some days, I think I’m depressed.
Other days, I think I’m bipolar.
And then there’re days when I think I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. Continue reading
blended families
I Wonder What the Bells Sound Like
Today is the first time (ever) that my kids aren’t excited for the first day of school, and it hurts all the mommy parts of my heart. Well, Carolyn’s a little excited, but that’s just so she can get out of the house.
New schools, no friends, new rules (and there’re A LOT of them), new pledge of allegiance (here, they have to pledge allegiance to the Texas flag, as well), new…everything.
Thankfully, we were blessed to get them new clothes, which was the only thing they got excited about. Life here’s just been very difficult, to say the least, but we each keep going.
There’s no telling what the end of the day will bring, but I’ll be ready to ask questions and listen to every part of their heart.
In Harms Way
Today, I’m not really sure how writing’ll work out. It’s one of those times when I’m afraid of what I’m going to write about, so without thinking, here I go. Continue reading
“A Sad Goodbeye”
there’s a life I lived
just me and the kids
a life we loved
and can never go back to
there wasn’t much room
but we always saw each other
cramped but comfortable
smiling
goofing around
laughing
something we thought
we’d never lose
until I gave it away
now here we are
together
yet separated
my son far away
my life now with my ex
one who always seemed
to fit in visits
doesn’t fit in life
opposite
doesn’t laugh
rarely talks
consumed by self
and then us
one of the hardest things
is to make laughter
out of sadness
to make hope
out of a life they hate
watching them without smiles
without laughter
without “us”
it’s not about what “I’ve” done
it’s about a choice I made
with my heart
not realizing
what it’d cost
well
the high price’s been paid
now in debt
I stay aware
of what can be done
of what can be changed
of who might be released
I have the choice
to send my kids back
to live with their dad
and find new life
or I have the choice
to keep them here
and create a life
they’ll never enjoy
I know “never”‘s a heavy word
but if you were here…
if you knew…
if you saw…
you’d never disagree
one of the hardest things
to let go of
is a life you’ve loved
but will never have again
why do we always see
what isn’t there
why is always
too late
in my defense
I really thought
we’d love this
how was I to know
reality
would differ
from visits
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 