[Written yesterday, 3/14/15]
Today is the last game of the winter season of flag football. To watch my oldest son coach and my youngest son play has been an inexpressible joy in my heart! The restoration that pursues our family is amazing, and it feels like it’s only just begun, but the truth is, God’s been restoring our lives for years.
Restoration: Continue reading
Last night, I took the kids to Taco Bell, and the funniest thing happened. Nathan was ordering and asked for four tacos, two of one kind and two of another. As he moved to the side, he said, “Oh, and no cheese.” The lady behind the counter said, “On all of them?” Nathan said, “No olives.” He looked so confused. We started laughing so hard. When she said “all of them,” Nathan heard “olive.” So, a new knock-knock joke was born. Continue reading
On Sunday, after driving everyone home from the porn convention, I climbed into bed around midnight. There was no way I would’ve been able to unpack the van that evening and knew it would be waiting for me in the morning. I was going to call a friend to come help but, but Katie woke up, so I asked her, “Would you like to help me unload the van?” She said, “Sure.” I had no idea where that would lead. Continue reading
“Power of Love”
Weeping
the touch of His gaze
the showers of His love
drenching me
Friendships
so much love
created by Him
to become Love
Family
chosen by Him
woven together
breathing, walking
as ONE
Sobbing
overwhelming care
feeling His gaze
knowing His Love
FREEDOM
Last night, Katie and I participated in a neon color run. It’s a 5K that was run at 8pm, music blasting, packets of powder exploding in the air, colored powder being thrown at you at different stations. It’s meant to be fun, but last night, that’s not exactly how it went.
At times, my daughter can be a little moody, and I love her through every mood, which is, sometimes, easier said than done. The beginning of the race was exciting. They had techno music blasting, people yelling in unison, jumping up and down, dancing. The energy was alive, and then we took off. Continue reading
Christmas morning was so amazing that I wanted to capture the moment “as we were,” which included no teeth.
I posted this on Facebook and had no idea of how it would affect me. Well, now, I know.
Evidently, I have found my identity in the way I “look,” instead of who I am in the Cross, so as I post this picture on this website, I’m letting go of my physical identity and grabbing hold of every truth of Jesus.
Have you ever been paralyzed by fear? On Christmas Eve, I found myself paralyzed by love.
As most of you know, throughout the years, God has been restoring a beautiful bond between me and my kids. This year, there has been an acceleration. One very important holiday to my kids is Christmas, especially Christmas Eve.
When Katie, my twenty-two year old, heard me talking about taking Christmas to the people of the dump in Mexico, she said (in anger), “We’ll just have Christmas Eve without you!” I said, “Katie, I’ll be back in time for us to be together in the evening.” That seemed to diffuse the bomb, so it was VERY important for me to get back in time.
It’s not that we DO anything special. We’re just together, so I was needing to be back in the evening, the earlier the better. And this is the best part: we all go to sleep at the same time in the same room. We fall asleep giggling, talking, laughing, planning out our morning, etc. And we all wake up in the same way: talking, giggling, laughing…it’s the earliest my kids EVER wake up together. We walk out into the living room together. We’re just “together.”
So, I “thought” I trusted God and headed to Mexico. The plan was to leave the dump at 3:30 pm. Well, the plan changed. The Tecate border wouldn’t let our bus pass through. The Otay border wouldn’t let our bus pass through. Each time took hours because once we heard we couldn’t get through, we had to turn around and go through customs to enter back into America. The third border, San Ysidro, let us through. This was a great joy to everyone but me.
By this time, it was 2 pm. We would barely make it to the dump by 3 pm, so our 3:30 departure was out of the question. Now, it was a play-it-by-ear schedule. I had a decision to make: I would either cross the border on foot back into America, grab the trolley, and make it back to my kids, or I would board the bus and head to the dump. I was literally standing at the ramp. All of me wanted to turn around and be love for my kids, and all of me wanted to journey forward and be love to the lost. I wept. I was, without a doubt, paralyzed by love.
Janel grabbed hold of me and began to pray. She promised to get me back to the border. She wanted me to go forward to the dump. As she prayed, I wept. Just remembering it is bringing me to tears. I made a choice and stepped onto the bus.
God had a plan, and I was in it. I enjoyed serving Him at the dump and made it back in time for my kids. That night, we all went to bed at the same time in the same room and talked, giggled, laughed. Even Nathan said, “I wish we could talk all night.” It was so precious. I love these moments because they remind me that there isn’t any room for a man in my life. The coolest part is that we all woke up at the same time but were all lying there because we didn’t know if the others were awake. Then, Kyle spoke…then Katie…then Nathan…then me…and then Carolyn.
I love my God. I love my kids. I love my life. I love my story. I love that God is holding the pen and doesn’t have any reason to set it down. I am yielded to Him. At times, I experience loneliness, but I have my prayer warriors who lift me out of that.
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 