Celebrating Recovery

Yesterday, after my swim, I went up to the lifeguards to tell them I’d been sober twelve years. They were so excited for me!! It left me wondering: do others do that?

I’ve never been ashamed of my recovery. Actually, it’s the exact opposite: I’m very proud of being sober, having worked the steps through alcoholics anonymous, having gone even deeper with God in His word…very proud, indeed!

I never had hope of even being able to go ONE DAY without alcohol. Actually, there’s a funny story about that.

When I first started going to church in 2004, they had a women’s retreat, which I was invited to attend, so I did but was deathly afraid of how I’d be able to sleep without drinking, so you know what I did? I took Benadryl with me, so I could knock myself out at night, but to my surprise, I never used it. I was stunned! But it didn’t stop me from drinking as soon as I got back, and it took me another year and a half before I finally listened to God about going to AA.

Man, you wanna talk about a prison! It was a horrible way to live! I would leave bible studies paranoid because I thought they’d follow me to the liquor store and catch me buying booze. I was ALWAYS looking over my shoulder.

If you, by chance, are reading this post and have a problem with anything, please message me or something, so I can pray for you. You DON’T have to be alone EVER AGAIN!

An Alarm for Thanks

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With all the stuff going on each day, it’s easy to forget to thank God, so yesterday, I had alarms to remind me.

You see, a few days ago, I heard a teaching about thanking God for one minute, seven times a day. Sounds easy, right?!

Well, the first two days, I totally forgot throughout the day, so Saturday night, I set seven alarms, and yesterday, before I knew it, a habit was formed.

In total, I must’ve thanked God for one minute over 12 times throughout the day, and my mind stayed set on good things! It was so amazing!! I’ll still set alarms each day, until it becomes a way of life.

“Negative Vibes”

I “could be” farther along than I am
but if I focus on that
I’ll miss out on where I am

but it’s just hard not to notice
what keeps holding me back

a failing business
because I keep failing
a distant marriage
because we’re still strangers
kids that keep leaving
because they’re not happy

it’s like I’m reminded every day
of what’s not right
meaning most what I see
seems wrong

so I stay in God’s word and pray
worship through my heart
and dance
every chance I get
but how does that help?

it’s like I’m reminded every day
of what’s not right
meaning most what I see
seems wrong

still looking
still waiting
still hoping
still

“Relationship Takes Two”

under His Glory
beneath the stars
on solid ground

He spends time with me

under His Glory
beneath the stars
on solid ground

I spend time with Him

could you imagine
if one of us
didn’t

if only “I” was talking
never hearing from God
never seeing a sign

and what about Him

if “He” was only talking
as I lived my life
apart from Him

Hosea was placed
in marriage
for a purpose

to show how
one-sided
the relationship was

my prayer is for all
to spend time with Him

under His Glory
beneath the stars
on solid ground

“Translation”

in a whisper
you’d know my life
and respond

but do we
really know
what to say

what to hear

there’re times
when things seem
so wrong
then I think
did I hear Him?

and sometimes fear
to listen again
in case I hear wrong

have you ever
told God
you won’t listen?

i have
not really won’t
but can’t

and in those moments
God’s listening
waiting to answer

“Amidst the Garden”

sometimes people
only read
what they want
to hear

this move
moved me
in a saddened way
too much for words

but some words
revealed a state
too much for some
to handle

where friends were needed
but not always wanted
where cries were answered
by heaven’s yes

for those who looked away
through tougher times
thank you
for not putting me down

for those who called
to leave a message
thank you
for leaving your voice

for those who rose up
from out of nowhere
thank you
for being somewhere

in the end of now
I’m able to relate
because of what
I’ve gone through

or better yet
what “I’ve” put “myself” through