recovery
RECOVERY JOKES!!
[Last night, I shared about when I was an alcoholic, was using meth, and was selling my body. Then, I told THIS joke!]
There’s an alcoholic, a meth user, and a prostitute in the car. Who’s driving?
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The Police!
A group of drinking buddies went deer hunting. They split up into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter came staggering back to camp alone, half-bombed and dragging an eight-point buck.
The others said, “Where’s Harry?”
“Oh, he passed out, a couple miles back up the trail.”
“What? You left Harry lying out there alone and carried the deer back?”
“A tough call,” admitted the marksman, “but I figured, who’s gonna steal Harry?”
An old-timer comes home from his home group meeting, gets ready for bed, and is on his knees saying his evening prayers.
He’s in the middle of his “God blesses” saying “God bless the guy who says the same thing no matter what the topic, God bless George, God bless the ‘cake lady,’ God bless . . . ” suddenly he pauses and looks up.
Then says, “You know God. I wonder if there is AA in heaven. If there isn’t AA in heaven, I don’t know if I want to go there. These folks are so important to me, I don’t want to spend eternity without them.”
There’s a bolt of lightening and a loud clap of thunder and then the old timer hears a voice saying, “I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, there IS AA in heaven.
The bad news is, “You’re speaking tomorrow night.”
Why aren’t people in recovery good dancers?
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They lose interest after twelve steps.
“Alcohol Warnings”
Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you’re whispering when you’re not.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
[Okay, this one will (probably) only make sense to those who’ve read the big book. Trust me: it’s HILARIOUS!!]
A girl working with her sponsor asked “Where can I read about my sex problems?”
Sponsor said, “That’s covered on page 69.”
Later at home, the page number got jumbled. As she tried to remember, she turned to page 96 for her sex problems.
“Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you.”
Drum-roll, Please!!
It figures: I finally want to write, and it’s about something that requires anonymity, so I’ll be vague with as much detail as I can.
Last fall (sometime), there was a planning meeting for a big event that’d be going on on South Padre Island. Well, during that meeting, I committed to being the Entertainment Chair for the event. At that moment, I had all hope, but a couple months later, that hope dwindled. Continue reading
“The Last Dance”
[1/9/17]
what is normal
anyway
what is normal
anyway
she sought her own
way away
and in the club
she saw
who she wasn’t
but who she needed
to be
that first shift
came with endless
drinks
a vicious circle
never meant to be
every hello
came with a compliment
every tip
came with a touch
something needed
something wanted
something more
a vicious circle
never meant to be
day after day
shift after shift
drink after drink
who was God
anyway
who was God
anyway
the darkest road
without an end
but just maybe there was
maybe there was
one by one
things removed
dancing stopped
drugs ran out
and step by step
led to recovery
just me with Him
to find me
Salt, Death, and Flight
***
“you won’t find her flag
caught up or down the escalator
she’s gone
dancing in heaven”
That was a poem from my dream, written by Katie about me. It was a horribly, sad dream.
In it, I’d been trying like crazy to organize a trip for me, Katie, and Ariel, and all the packing was up to me.
After rushing like crazy to leave for the airport, Katie refused to go with me.
We were in this huge apartment building with many floors, that had the appearance of a mall. From one floor above, I saw her just sitting at a table, refusing to move. I hollared for her to hurry, but she just sat there and dumped (what looked like) five pounds of salt on the floor.
I was so angry.
As I went down to talk to her, she vanished, and I was left, standing in the salt, reading this poem she wrote. And all of a sudden, I realized the poem was about me and saw that no one could see me. At that moment, I realized I was dead.
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Right then, the alarm woke me up. So badly, I wanted to fall back asleep and have a do-over for a new dream, a new memory, but I couldn’t, so I got up, crying.
It reminded me of this woman in recovery. She’s seen the pain I’ve gone through with Nathan leaving, and every time I see her, she asks how I’m doing with it.
Then, she asks about Katie, “Has she changed her mind yet about leaving?”
I always reply, “No, she’s still leaving.”
Then, she says, “What’re you going to do?? That’s gonna kill you!”
I often wonder why she says that but haven’t mentioned anything. Evidently, I dreamt about it.
“From One to Many”
no walls
no gender
only laughter
to fill a room
with hope
to fill a mind
with joy
to fill a heart
with love
no walls
no gender
only laughter
“Hello, my name is Laura, and I’m a recovered alcoholic.”
Last night, I shared my experience, strength, and hope with a bunch of people in recovery and had the most amazing time doing it, and before I went to bed, I wanted to write about it SO badly, but nothing flowed, so we’ll see what happens this morning. Continue reading
“Step by Step”
[written 10/29/16]
the road of recovery
is rest in the unknown
becoming who you are
forgetting who you were
when traveled alone
every inch
feels like a mile
but with friends
all of a sudden
you turn around
and realize you’ve walked
a marathon
Close Connections
Sometimes, it’s easier praying for strangers than for people you know because when it’s people you know, you tend to want to ‘help God out’ by praying for what you “think” they need. Well, that happens to “me,” sometimes, and yesterday, something happened that made me wonder. Continue reading
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 