redemption

My New Dance

| Laura Lee Bonde

Probably since in the womb, when music would play, my body would move. I have always loved to dance, but when I became a Christian, I had heard that dancing was bad. Well, in most of my life, it had been, so when worship music would come on, my body would move to the rhythm, but I would control it because of the feelings that would overcome me.

When my body would move to the sound of worship, I would feel dirty…filthy…like I wanted attention, money, sex, so I would do my best to stop the movement but didn’t know how to stop the negative feelings associated with it and never spoke a word about it to anyone. Continue reading →

Tears of Intensity

| Laura Lee Bonde

This time, for the porn convention, I was determined to go as “me,” but I wasn’t prepared for how “less than” I would feel and spent the first night crying on my bed in the hotel room.

Being reminded of who I was in the environment I used to live in was a pretty intense battle. In ministry, I find that I learn as I go. There were times when I would share my testimony with men, and in an instant, they would repent of the thoughts they had toward me and a deep respect would come over them, but that wasn’t how it happened every time. Continue reading →

A Date Night to Remember

| Laura Lee Bonde

It’s very rare that I get time alone with each of my kids, so I need to “make” that time, which I did last night. On Saturday, I saw a yummy recipe online and asked Katie if I could make dinner for her on Tuesday night and spend the evening with her. (At times, I either have the little ones or head to Red Seal.) She said, “Yes,” so I blocked off the evening for her and her alone. (I love the word “alone” because it comes from “all one.” Last night, I was “all one” with Katie.)

A couple months ago, I attempted to make her breaded zucchini and it turned out horrible, so this was going to be my redemption night. She even said, “It won’t be like last time, right?” Ha! I hoped not. I made this one-pot-pasta, where you put all the ingredients into the pan at the same time and let it cook. The whole process from cutting to cooking probably took about thirty minutes. It turned out SO YUMMY!

Katie receives love best in different ways: having food cooked for her, washing the dishes by hand, leaving little notes. She wasn’t raised with “hugs,” so they don’t speak very loudly to her. I am honored to have this chance to “love” her well. There are many distractions in this world, many things to do, many places to be. I am so grateful that God reminds me where I need to be and when I need to be there. Every moment alive counts.

Yesterday, on the freeway in the rain, I noticed some erratic driving and had this thought: if I died, I believe my kids would be okay because they are in the best place ever. They have seen enough of God through my living to have a solid foundation. They are so close amongst themselves that I know they would stay together. They would know where I was at. They would hurt but they would be okay. (But I really don’t think that I’m going to die any time soon.)