Probably since in the womb, when music would play, my body would move. I have always loved to dance, but when I became a Christian, I had heard that dancing was bad. Well, in most of my life, it had been, so when worship music would come on, my body would move to the rhythm, but I would control it because of the feelings that would overcome me.
When my body would move to the sound of worship, I would feel dirty…filthy…like I wanted attention, money, sex, so I would do my best to stop the movement but didn’t know how to stop the negative feelings associated with it and never spoke a word about it to anyone.
I remember learning that dancing was bad, but I was so confused because it was so present in the bible. How could God speak about it so highly, if it was so bad? How could David, a man after God’s own heart, dance all the time, if it was bad? I didn’t know and didn’t know how to act. I just always tried to justify it in my heart but was never able to speak it and never able to move, until a year ago.
I had started frequenting places that believed in worshiping with flags. I thought it was beautiful and wanted to join in but couldn’t. I knew if “I” did it, it would be dirty…filthy…like I wanted attention, money, sex, so I never joined in, just stood in one place, arms lifted, slowly swaying, until one night, a flag found me.
I was standing in my place of worship with my arms lifted, when a very good friend of mine came by and placed a flag near my hand. I grabbed hold of it and thought, “Oh, it’s on now!” I walked straight to the front. As the new song began, I lifted my hand, and a point of contact was made.
Immediately, heat started to flow through me from the top of my hand to the souls of my feet and continued on the entirety of the song (over five minutes). I knew it was God’s flames consuming every part of me that felt dirty…filthy…like I wanted attention, money, sex, and for the first time in my life, I was dancing purely for Jesus. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and I will never forget it.
So when I dance with flags, I’m in this place of…I don’t even know. All I know is that, right now, I’m crying expressing this because of the impact it has on my heart. I never “learned” to dance with flags. I experienced it. Every movement, I feel clean, whole, redeemed, pure, with an Audience of One, surrounded by heaven. (I’m weeping.) Who does that? …but God.