Salt, Death, and Flight

***

“you won’t find her flag
caught up or down the escalator
she’s gone
dancing in heaven”

That was a poem from my dream, written by Katie about me. It was a horribly, sad dream.

In it, I’d been trying like crazy to organize a trip for me, Katie, and Ariel, and all the packing was up to me.

After rushing like crazy to leave for the airport, Katie refused to go with me.

We were in this huge apartment building with many floors, that had the appearance of a mall. From one floor above, I saw her just sitting at a table, refusing to move. I hollared for her to hurry, but she just sat there and dumped (what looked like) five pounds of salt on the floor.

I was so angry.

As I went down to talk to her, she vanished, and I was left, standing in the salt, reading this poem she wrote. And all of a sudden, I realized the poem was about me and saw that no one could see me. At that moment, I realized I was dead.

***

Right then, the alarm woke me up. So badly, I wanted to fall back asleep and have a do-over for a new dream, a new memory, but I couldn’t, so I got up, crying.

It reminded me of this woman in recovery. She’s seen the pain I’ve gone through with Nathan leaving, and every time I see her, she asks how I’m doing with it.

Then, she asks about Katie, “Has she changed her mind yet about leaving?”

I always reply, “No, she’s still leaving.”

Then, she says, “What’re you going to do?? That’s gonna kill you!”

I often wonder why she says that but haven’t mentioned anything. Evidently, I dreamt about it.

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Poetry Open Mic Night

Poetry Night at The Prelude was really good last night, except I forgot to ask someone to record it, but it went well.

I read some poems that explained who I used to be and how Jesus changed my life. I was asked, for next time, if I’d bring my flags and dance a song. Only God knows what that meant to me, especially now.

Very recently (on Wednesday), I questioned in my heart if I should even use them in public anymore (because of someone’s reaction to them). What that person did and said felt like it crushed me, so wouldn’t that just be God’s timing?!

Right after I felt crushed by one, I was lifted by another.

To me, it’s more than a dance. It’s more like a passion!

Next month, when I dance a song, I’ll see if someone will record it. (Sometimes, that’s hard to find.)

“My Dance With Jesus” (click photo)
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That Scraping Sound

On Friday night, I was invited to a worship gathering but had no idea what was in store for me.

First of all, I LOVE going places for the very first time! It never bothers me to go places alone because I’ve always “had” to go places alone. Actually, I get excited to find out where I’m going. Are you like that? Anyway, this story has a twist. Continue reading

A Stroll in God’s Park

In the beginning, when I’d had it planned to move out here to Texas, I wasn’t interested in finding a church right away, but because of the difficult times during packing and the drive, I KNEW I needed to find like-minded people to be around and knew I’d be needing a church.

During that first week in Harlingen, I’d been SO close to sinking into a dark depression and knew I was in trouble, if I didn’t get out and about, so right away, I began going to church. Continue reading

“Wages”

I’m tired
this might be a vent
disguised as a poem
or it might be a poem
disguised as a vent

have you ever gone
into a restaurant
and asked your server
to take a pay cut
so your meal’d be cheaper?

have you ever gone
into a clothing store
and asked the cashier
to take a pay cut
so your clothes would be cheaper?

I’m not sure if labor is understood
when people ask me
for “a deal”
they’re asking me
to take a pay cut

I never try to buy something
unless I have the money to buy it
I worked so hard today
but if I calculated what my time was worth
I might be disappointed

again
this might be a vent
disguised as a poem
or it might be a poem
disguised as a vent

either way
it’s what poured out

Dream Working

I want to share with you the story behind making these flags.image

Over the weekend, I received a rush order on Etsy. A young lady wanted a set of flags to dance with on stage at her church and wanted them shipped quickly, so she could practice.

They were a smaller set, so I had the material and said I’d have them done, and then, I waited. I’m learning that a lot (if not all) of what I make is God’s timing.

My Monday was pretty busy, so I hadn’t even thought about the flags because I didn’t want to force or rush anything. Then, on Monday night, I had a dream.

In my dream, I was making these flags. I woke up knowing how to tie them, how to fold them, how and when to add the colors as I folded, etc, so when I woke up Tuesday morning, I was ready to go, but Katie was asleep in the living room, so I had to wait.

When I knew she’d awoken, I jumped up to begin.

The only color I was given in the order was a navy blue WITHOUT purple. Some of you know the challenge I’ve had in having a dark blue show up without purple, so I wasn’t too excited about that color.

When I first mixed some navy blue…purple, so I added something else…darker purple, but then, when I added my mixture to blue, a beautiful dark blue showed up. Now, it was time to choose some other colors.

I only came up with one, mixed the other shade of blue, and began on the flags.

When I say these can never be recreated, I mean it! I “know” everything’s possible with God, but I don’t think HE means for any of these to be recreated, so I try not to stress about it. Anyway, they turned out GORGEOUS!

Now…to see if the customer liked them.

On Etsy, I sent a picture and waited (for hours). Her reply made me cry!

“Omgosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They are amazing if I could have given you the picture I had in my head that was it!!! Ah I’m so excited thank you so much I could just cry”

Isn’t that AMAZING!!! Anyway, I really wanted to share this one with you all!