Extinguishing Faith

When amazing situations turn out bad, I’m not sure how faith passes on because to get where I am took amazing faith, but if I told you (honestly) where I’m at, no one would follow, and I wouldn’t encourage you to.

That saddens me.

What’s the point of exercising extreme faith if, after I land, I advice everyone to back away from the cliff.

Faith is where your blindfolded, standing on the edge, and jump, expecting to be taught how to fly, but when you fall, your aches and pains tend to be warnings for others, so they don’t do the same thing.

Extinguishing faith.

Right now, in my life, I’d encourage moms to stay single and remain being one-hundred-percent there for their kids. I’d tell you not to marry your ex because it involves too much pain. I’d tell you not to move with your kids because the loss for them is too great and becoming a stranger is too painful. And I’d never encourage someone to become unequally yoked.

In other words, everything I’ve done, feeling moved by God in faith, I’d tell others NOT to do, so I’m not sure I find the good in that.

“Make Away”

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a mother makes a way
for her kids to follow
even a path
for others to walk on

watchful
peaceful
aware of her surroundings
ready to protect
from those who harm

full of love
and understanding
wanting to need
and needing to want

the one who is single
is too much for many
but the one who is single
will provide

all the love that is needed
all the hope that is wanted
all the joy from the bond
of a mother and child

“A Sad Goodbeye”

there’s a life I lived
just me and the kids
a life we loved
and can never go back to

there wasn’t much room
but we always saw each other
cramped but comfortable
smiling
goofing around
laughing
something we thought
we’d never lose
until I gave it away

now here we are
together
yet separated
my son far away

my life now with my ex
one who always seemed
to fit in visits
doesn’t fit in life
opposite
doesn’t laugh
rarely talks
consumed by self
and then us

one of the hardest things
is to make laughter
out of sadness
to make hope
out of a life they hate
watching them without smiles
without laughter
without “us”

it’s not about what “I’ve” done
it’s about a choice I made
with my heart
not realizing
what it’d cost

well
the high price’s been paid
now in debt
I stay aware

of what can be done
of what can be changed
of who might be released

I have the choice
to send my kids back
to live with their dad
and find new life
or I have the choice
to keep them here
and create a life
they’ll never enjoy

I know “never”‘s a heavy word
but if you were here…
if you knew…
if you saw…
you’d never disagree

one of the hardest things
to let go of
is a life you’ve loved
but will never have again

why do we always see
what isn’t there
why is always
too late

in my defense
I really thought
we’d love this
how was I to know
reality
would differ
from visits

Off the Roller Coaster…FINALLY

Okay, remember the other night, I was at Carolyn’s band performance? Well, that evening, I found myself totally content on where I was and haven’t differed since.

While I was watching Carolyn, I realized how nothing was distracting me; there was nothing in the way of me seeing her, watching her, taking every movement in, and then it dawned on me what a priceless gift it was to be a single mom. Continue reading