A couple weeks ago, someone contacted JC’s Girls because they wanted to do a photo shoot of a beauty-from-ashes story. Sounds like I might’ve qualified, right? Wrong. They wanted someone under the age of thirty. So why does beauty have an age?
To me, beauty is timeless…ageless. It’s not something one “puts on.” It’s something that “comes out”…that shines from the inside. One of my biggest struggles inside my heart at the porn convention was experiencing my beauty in the midst of an environment where everyone was all dolled up, but it was super important for me to experience this for “me.” It was part of my journey, part of my walk, and so much came out of it.Continue reading →
Since I’ve been open about having false teeth and the victories I’ve had about seeing my beauty past that, people have approached me about either having false teeth or having bad teeth. Behind the smile, there’s an insecurity gained and a beauty that seems lost. It’s definitely a strong hold in people’s lives, but God is training His army to walk in victory of indescribable beauty.
As I meet people on the street who have bad teeth, there’s always reason to laugh or smile because I’m usually laughing or smiling, and it causes that same reaction. But what I’ve been noticing is that, as soon as they start to smile, it’s like they realize it and shut there mouth really quickly and simply grin. Every time, it breaks my heart because it feels so good to smile.Continue reading →
Last year, God called me to the front to lead JC’s Girls at the Rock. At first, I thought I was the last person He would choose. Throughout my years there, I never felt girly enough, felt like I didn’t have the right clothes, that I didn’t have the right stuff. It turned out, those were all ideas from the enemy to cause me to quit, but it never worked. Continue reading →
Every year, JC’s Girls at the Rock go to the porn convention in Los Angeles to set up a booth, pray for people, hand out bibles, and let everyone know that God loves them right where they’re at. When I realized that God loved me just as much on the abortion tables as He does right now, I was blown away, so we want to blow people away with God’s precious Love and watch Him melt the hearts of the lost. We’ll be doing this at the end of the month, and along with all this goodness comes warfare. Continue reading →
When I was a little girl, I saw Olivia Newton John in a couple movies: “Grease” and “Xandadu.” I knew all the songs from “Grease,” and my aunt and grandma would rave about how I sounded just-like-her. At eight years old, I was taken to see “Xanadu” and walked away thinking I looked just-like-her.
One day, I was playing, and as I was playing, I caught a glimpse of my reflection. I was so upset. I started crying. Continue reading →
If I sat down with you and told you about my past, you may be tempted to wonder how I could feel pure. Looking at my life through the worlds eyes would reveal a lot of questions. Looking at my life through the eyes of Jesus reveals a lot of answers.
To express the measure of purity I feel will be noticeable in this one statement: I don’t even want to be kissed until my wedding day. Does that sound crazy? To the world, yes. To God, no. I have sought God through Jesus to find my identity, and in doing that, I’ve discovered what a treasure I am. Is that arrogant? No. Is that confidence? Absolutely! I am confident in who I am in Christ, and I want to be treated that way.
I was talking to a man on the street about my desire not be kissed until my wedding day, and he didn’t think that withholding my sexual desires from coming out was healthy. I told him that it is very healthy. You see, to the world, heaven doesn’t make sense, Kingdom living doesn’t make sense, purity doesn’t make sense. To God, I bet it makes perfect sense. After going back and forth in discussion, I told this man that he wouldn’t be able to change my mind. No one will be able to change my mind or my heart, not even my future husband.
I’ve even shared my purity with other Christians and have not always received positive feedback. This purity is something I will fight for. I don’t want to marry a man because of the way he kisses or the way he makes me feel when we kiss. I want to marry a man because his heart shines with God’s love. I believe if I fall in love with a man, no matter what, kissing will be amazing, so why not save it for an amazing wedding night.
I’m not out to please anyone but God. I’m truly glad that I listen to the voice of His heart and not the voice of man’s mind. Everything I feel and believe about myself right now was never known to me through life: I have value; I am beautiful; I feel like a virgin; I am a gift, not to be opened; I’m a treasure; I am worth the wait; I am elegant…every morning, I have the pleasure of waking up to who I am, and I’m excited to live out every day through Him!
I have a lot of “favorites” in the Bible. If you know me, you’ve heard me say, “That’s my favorite book” or “That’s my favorite Scripture.” The truth is, it’s ALL my favorite because God spoke it. But from the moment I first read Psalm 139, it has been my favorite…for real. It described how I wanted to feel about myself. In it, God would describe my beauty, how I was meant to look, how I was marvelous, but I would cry out to Him because I didn’t feel any of that. How could I be marvelous when _________? That would be the response in my mind (and sometimes aloud). I would pray that I would believe it someday.
Part of the power of worshiping with flags for me is that it reveals my beauty. Because of my past, I haven’t felt beautiful. What I’m discovering is that beauty isn’t a feeling. Beauty is known in your heart, but it almost seems like God gave me a ‘feeling’ to penetrate into my heart, so when I first danced with a flag, I ‘felt’ His heat (probably His consuming fire) flowing through me, melting every stronghold I had of ugliness. Since then, my heart has been open to His Truth. When His Truth became my reality, I was able to see beauty in my reflection. My eye is the lamp to my soul, so depending on what my soul believes is what I’ll see. I now know in my heart that I am beautiful.
Anyway, a friend gave me a special flag the other day, a beautiful iridescent one. It’s gorgeous…so gorgeous that the desire of my heart was to worship with it at Sunset Cliffs, so on Friday morning (8/8/14), before work, I went to Sunset Cliffs. On my way there, I felt like I was on my way to a date with God. I was worshiping, crying, believing. It was beautiful! My desire was to fly this flag to God’s breath on my life, and that’s what I did. I thanked Him so much for who I am in Him. In the past, I read this book, and it explained how when you see something beautiful, it’s God reminding you of how beautiful you are to Him. As I was worshiping Him, I was watching this flag, admiring its beauty, and I had the revelation that God was admiring me and my beauty. These flags reflect my beauty. That’s why they are so empowering to me. God is working through them in a mighty way.
When I was done, I sat in the car and was drawn to Psalm 139. I only read verses one through six. After each verse, I would stop and pray, thanking God that that was a truth in my life…so powerful! I was weeping because, finally, this Truth of His was my reality. Right now, I’m only able to read and pray each verse, but I can’t wait until I get to the part where He talks about how I was formed and how marvelous I am. Now that I believe it, I can’t even imagine the impact it will have.
We are all beautiful, handsome, gorgeous creatures. His word created us, saved us, and will keep us for eternity. How awesome is that!
(I didn’t have my phone to take a picture of where I was at, but I found the below picture online. If you look at the cliff on the left-hand side, that’s the idea of where I was standing, worshiping God with this beautiful, iridescent flag.)
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 