Every year, JC’s Girls at the Rock go to the porn convention in Los Angeles to set up a booth, pray for people, hand out bibles, and let everyone know that God loves them right where they’re at. When I realized that God loved me just as much on the abortion tables as He does right now, I was blown away, so we want to blow people away with God’s precious Love and watch Him melt the hearts of the lost. We’ll be doing this at the end of the month, and along with all this goodness comes warfare.
When I have gone in the past, I’ve worn six inch heels, false eyelashes, and a lot of makeup, and I always felt out-of-place, but at the same time, I always felt knock-out-gorgeous because of the heels, false eyelashes, and “wabaam” makeup, but this year will be different.
Since last year, I’ve really learned what I look like in the cross. I feel so comfortable with who I am that I feel more beautiful with less makeup, so I’m going to the convention in my own identity because I feel that THAT’s when God uses me most: when I’m ME, but yesterday, I felt spiritually attacked by the enemy about this.
I kept having thoughts that because I won’t be “wearing” the beauty, “people will look past me”…”you won’t have eyelashes, so you won’t look beautiful”…”the girls won’t want to talk with me”…”I won’t measure up”…”compared to everyone there, I’ll look ugly”…I KNOW these are lies from the enemy because they’re not true, but they had me in tears in different moments of the day because I placed myself in the convention looking “less than,” but it wouldn’t last long because I remembered to thank God.
If I had the thought “girls won’t want to talk with me,” I would snap out of my sadness and respond to God with, “Thank You that people are drawn to me!” If the thought about eyelashes came up, I would (eventually) thank God for my beauty as I am. If it was a thought about not measuring up, I would thank Him that I’m enough. It worked, but it was a tough day, and in the end, I totally won.
Behind the lashes lies a beauty that can’t be copied. I refuse to be Love for people in someone else’s shoes. God chose me to be the leader for a reason. Every year, the porn convention is amazing, and this year will be no different.