there are times when the words seem locked in my heart
but I know I hold the keys to release them
so why don’t I
for most everything
I’m transparent
but there are things about parenting
I keep hidden
could it be because my mind sets on where I failed
could it be
I know that the person I was isn’t who I am now
so expressing this heart would only be healing
a mother’s heart
full of so much
overflowing with so much love that never runs out
As many of you know, yesterday was Katie’s birthday, and I was broke, but I “knew” money wasn’t important in celebrating her, so I had no doubts we would all have fun together, and I had been looking forward to giving her a very special card.
Back in March, I had found this beautiful card with all these red tulips surrounding a beautiful white one. Tulips are my very favorite flower, so this card caught my eye, and having the white tulip amidst the red ones was the picture of me standing in the blood of Jesus, purified, redeemed, restored, so I bought the card to use for my own.
Shortly after, I was scheduled to dance at Beach Chapel for Easter. All my kids went, and I was so excited to dance with God in their presence (for the very first time). After the service, I was going to write about the awe of it all in my special tulip card to remember forever. Well, after the service, all of that changed. Continue reading
Man, I’m about to be really real with you about some things that I’d rather keep inside, but I feel like God wants me to share, so I won’t hold back from His calling, so here we go.
Recently, I went through a season where I felt invisible to a lot of people. I really wanted people to notice me, acknowledge me, like they were doing to others. Right now, I have tears running down my face because I realize how selfish that was. Life isn’t about who likes me, notices me, or encourages me. Life is about the gospel, all that Jesus was, all that He did, all that He is inside of me, and to think that that other stuff bothered me is embarrassing, but from what I’ve learned this weekend, the place where my heart is right now is a very good place. Continue reading
Yesterday, at the Dan Mohler healing conference, he encouraged everyone to meet and get to know people whom you’ve never met before. Sometimes, that seems easier said than done because people have their “groups” they’re happy with and only let those in who they accept or want to be around, but when I think about being in an army, I don’t believe the soldiers only stand next to the ones they like. They have a unity stronger than blood, which, at times, is missing within the church. Continue reading
it’s not about my name or anyone else’s name
it’s about Jesus
it’s not about pictures on Facebook or friends who hug you
it’s about Jesus
it’s not about your kids, your spouse, your family
it’s about Jesus
it’s not about the makeup you have on or the clothes you wear
it’s about Jesus Continue reading
it’s not about a husband
or how to pay the rent
it’s not about having sex
or being in someone’s arms
it’s not about responsibility
or making someone smile
no
marriage is about Kingdom Living
about releasing the glory of God
it’s about becoming one in Him
becoming love
and changing the world
the need is gone
the want is gone
the desire remains
You know, normally, I don’t “make” my kids go to anything at church, but when I heard Dan Mohler was going to be in town, I told Carolyn, “You’re going!” She saw the look in my eyes and said, “Okay,” so last night I took her to hear Dan for the very first time, and she’ll never be the same.
Even without hearing him, she’s been learning his teaching over the past year by listening and watching how I live my life. A little over a year ago, I began watching Dan’s fifty-one day teaching on YouTube, and it has taught me how to become love. Continue reading
Yesterday was full of things to do: give Carolyn and Katie rides, continue with flags, straighten out the insurance stuff with the hospital, tend to my foot, etc., and often times, I expect myself to do everything, and when I don’t, I come down pretty hard on myself.
In giving the girls rides, I was expected to pick them up: Carolyn at nine at night and Katie at ten forty-five at night. Piece of cake, right?! Well, everything else in my day went pretty smoothly, but by the end of the night, I was tired and in pain.
When Nathan and I returned home from picking up Carolyn, it was time to change my bandage, so I set everything up. This time, after changing it, it hurt more than usual, so Carolyn suggested I lay down. I agreed because I had been tired and just wanted to sit up in bed and read with God. My phone was almost dead, so I left it charging in the living room.
Can you tell where this is going? Continue reading
Lately, I’ve been invited by some friends to dance at a church in La Mesa, and I’ve been welcoming their invitation to worship. This past Sunday after church, Corrie and I were coming out of a 7-11 convenience store, laughing (as usual).
Without knowing, we almost dressed identical, so we were joking about how everything was the same: our outfits were the same, our waters were the same, our Jesus was the same…as we were giggling and displaying this, a young man joined in, lifted his ice coffee, and said, “Our coffee is the same!” Well, to me, that’s an invitation to talk, so I stopped. Continue reading
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 