whenever I feel “attacked”
I build a wall
for my protection
to keep people
out
the only problem is
it keeps me
in
last night
that wall came down
protection
He Bled to Death
In March of 2004, my dad died.
In November of 2005, I found out about it.
So, here I am, in the middle of the night, wondering about it.
Why didn’t anyone in my family tell me? Continue reading
“X-ray Vision”
He sees me who I am
And not who I used to be
He sees what I’ve become
And not where I was before
He sees me as myself
And not what I did to others
He sees me as his beauty
And always has
His name is Scott
And he’s my husband
Forevermore
“Fortified Cities”
walls have different looks
different meanings
they say
don’t look at me
don’t talk to me
I’m going to hurt you
etc.
but much like the Old Testament Continue reading
“Godly Desire”
there’s a part of me
that wants a husband
that’s not meant to be filled Continue reading
Victorious Nightmare
Last night, I had the weirdest (and scariest dream). Here it goes.
It started off with the church marrying me, Carolyn, and someone else off, but I can’t remember who the someone else was. The church chose the people and set everything up. We were all sitting in a room, and then it hit me: I didn’t even know the heart of the person, which is super important to me, so we all took off, but before we did, we got a hold of the names of who we were to marry, so me and the kids went on a journey to see who the church had picked. Continue reading
To Find the Heart
The scenery on the road of my perspective has changed multiple times and will keep changing, but recently, God has revealed to me one area of my life where it has changed dramatically: the way I see men.
Even through sobriety (and my beginning years of being a “Christian” woman), I would look for men I would sleep with. I never saw their heart, only their appearance. Continue reading
Tears of Intensity
This time, for the porn convention, I was determined to go as “me,” but I wasn’t prepared for how “less than” I would feel and spent the first night crying on my bed in the hotel room.
Being reminded of who I was in the environment I used to live in was a pretty intense battle. In ministry, I find that I learn as I go. There were times when I would share my testimony with men, and in an instant, they would repent of the thoughts they had toward me and a deep respect would come over them, but that wasn’t how it happened every time. Continue reading
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 