[written 10/14/16]
(funniest title EVER!! I’m dying laughing!!! most of the time, my titles come from God, but I’m not sure about THIS one…as they say in AA: keep coming back!)
I’ve never felt so far behind
in revealing my heart
so much I want to tell you
so much I have to hide
as I catch up with you
I’ll be writing A LOT
but then there’ll be days
of silence
where I’ll ponder what’s in front of me
and examine what’s been behind
nowhere to go
but inside
where God waits to be released
[written 10/14/16]
you know what I love about being open?
you see the good times and bad
you see the moments
that’ve made me laugh
and the quicksand of tears
that’ve pulled me under
you see life being lived
and some death of myself
you’ve seen
depression
adventure
struggle
joy
I don’t mind being me and living where I am
it was those moments of wanting to die
that bothered me so
people need love
so why not be it wherever I go
there’re those who hate God
and those who seek Him
or something at least
and the aroma of His love
is the fragrance that’ll draw
people closer to His heart
[written 10/13/16]
yesterday
here’s what made me cry
about Nathan
an “Applebee’s” sign
thinking about dinner
seeing a 13yr old boy
the sign
on the side of the freeway
a place Nathan’d wanted to go
but we never went
in Sam’s Club
wondering what to make
realizing Nathan wouldn’t be
sitting at the table
in Target
seeing a teenage boy
wearing a mask
posing for snapchat
really?
is this
how it’ll be
as it gets better
will I cry less
will I harden?
thank God
for the women in AA
who heard my heart
and handed me tissue
[written 10/12/16]
there’re just some things
in this mommy heart
that can’t be avoided
and ‘i’m sorry’ seems to be
the only words that comfort
the only words that fit
I know
things’ll get better
I know
it’ll just take time
I know
it’ll be okay
tell me something
I don’t know
and maybe
just maybe
I’ll feel better
until then
I miss my son
and even after then
I’ll still miss him
[written 10/9/16]
sometimes
I wonder
“if I’d done
EVERYTHING right
would things be
different?”
but then THAT
makes me wonder
“if I’d done
everything right
would I be
who I am?”
who I am
is pretty amazing
so trying to
change the past
seems
pointless
In AA, you share your experience, strength, and hope. Well, while I was in San Diego, celebrating my sobriety at a meeting, a woman came empty and left complete. Here’s what happened:
Yesterday morning (10/7), my friend, Jimbo, gave me my 11 year token, and as I was sharing, I talked about life, Jesus, and freedom from depression, and after I sat down, a woman approached me and asked if I’d pray for her after the meeting, so I did.
As we were talking, she said she wanted to know about my God, so I told her about Jesus, and guess what? Now, she KNOWS my God: she entered in to the heart of Jesus!!
You know, everyone has their own choice in which path to walk on, so I’m glad there’s freedom to share about what we believe, just in case anyone else’d like to follow.
Before I write…my son hasn’t passed away; he’s moved away.
The past few weeks have been a whirlwind, and I’ll take you through it for two reasons: one…to bring you up to speed, and two…so I’ll remember for one of my books. Continue reading
I love pictures; they lie so well!
just a moment to write a poem
about me
about him
the one who wears a mask
all the time
yet takes it off for others
or does he only wear a mask
when others are around
I used to be
one of those others
but now
I just don’t know
those who’ve heard my cries
no longer believe
in just one night
have I been made wrong?
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 