i wish i didn’t care
about date nights
and laughter
about kids moving away
and spiritual connections

because
if i didn’t care
none of it would matter
and if none of it mattered
i’d never feel hurt

i wish i didn’t care
how my kids were treated
i wish i didn’t care
about heart conversations

i wish i didn’t care
about the past
my present
which future

but i do
which makes me weak
in the strongest way