Well, after Friday night’s flop in shopping, Saturday morning was waiting for us to hit the stores, so I woke up early to spend extra time with God, in order to make it through the day.
Okay, here’s some honesty for you. Continue reading
Month: December 2016
Rain in Every Aisle
Every once in awhile, I get in shutdown mode, and lately, that’s where I’ve been. You wanna know what’s funny: usually, advice gets me there. Anyway, last week was…how should I word it…tough? Yeah, tough, but Friday evening ended up the night for Scott and I to start Christmas shopping, but it didn’t go well. Continue reading
“Too much Too late”
You know how
You meet someone
Unattractive
Yet the more you get
To know them
The handsomer they become
What if you do things backwards
What if you marry someone
Attractive
Yet the more you get
To know them
The less handsome
They become?
What I thought I knew
Wasn’t
And what I’m finding out
Shouldn’t be
“In Between”
some things in life
aren’t making sense
and that irritates me
because some of them seem bad
yet I know Who God is
and I know His thoughts for me
yet I’m not seeing them
so is this the hallway?
so many doors on either side
but I’m to wait for the one in front of me
so I trust
and live
and ponder
this path
hoping
to walk through
and understand it all
“Useful Thoughts”
there’s a hope that I’ve been looking for
that’s been all the time in me
not in any one
or any thing around me
but in me
no matter what I choose
I’ll always have hope
there’re many things in life
had I known
I would’ve done differently
but if I’d done them differently
would I still have what I know?
there’s no use thinking ‘what if’
because all that’s happened
has come to be
but there’s use in thinking of today
because that will form your future
if you want change
you have to change
and part of that
is making decisions
Meditating Day And Night
Some read by candlelight; I read by Christmas light.
Yesyerday, I listened to Curry Blake teach about meditation and practiced it in my life last night. It something I used to do but pulled away from, since being in Texas, and that’s reading my bible at night.
Over the past couple months, I’ve been reading Narnia books at bedtime…almost trying to escape. Well, this teaching talked about being in the word morning AND night, so I started back up last night.
And wouldn’t you know it: I didn’t have a bad dream! (I’ve had quite a few bad dreams.)
There were other pointers, too, like thanking God for one minute seven times a day and being mindful of who you listen to because words are recorded in your brain.
This morning, I’ve been reading by Christmas light and feel stronger already. He’s building me up for something…maybe Katie leaving…maybe my husband not changing, but regardless, I’m stronger!
“Bleeding”
through tough times
some friends wanna be
everything to you
and many send out words
of advice
before you realize it
arrows are piercing you
from every side
this morning was different
Salt, Death, and Flight
***
“you won’t find her flag
caught up or down the escalator
she’s gone
dancing in heaven”
That was a poem from my dream, written by Katie about me. It was a horribly, sad dream.
In it, I’d been trying like crazy to organize a trip for me, Katie, and Ariel, and all the packing was up to me.
After rushing like crazy to leave for the airport, Katie refused to go with me.
We were in this huge apartment building with many floors, that had the appearance of a mall. From one floor above, I saw her just sitting at a table, refusing to move. I hollared for her to hurry, but she just sat there and dumped (what looked like) five pounds of salt on the floor.
I was so angry.
As I went down to talk to her, she vanished, and I was left, standing in the salt, reading this poem she wrote. And all of a sudden, I realized the poem was about me and saw that no one could see me. At that moment, I realized I was dead.
***
Right then, the alarm woke me up. So badly, I wanted to fall back asleep and have a do-over for a new dream, a new memory, but I couldn’t, so I got up, crying.
It reminded me of this woman in recovery. She’s seen the pain I’ve gone through with Nathan leaving, and every time I see her, she asks how I’m doing with it.
Then, she asks about Katie, “Has she changed her mind yet about leaving?”
I always reply, “No, she’s still leaving.”
Then, she says, “What’re you going to do?? That’s gonna kill you!”
I often wonder why she says that but haven’t mentioned anything. Evidently, I dreamt about it.
“E Motion Train”
there’s a certain
melancholiness
that enters in
the dread of life
not much emotion
but a lot of thought
creating ways to exist
through each day
there’re those
who see the light
be it ever so small
at the end of the tunnel
there’re most
who never enter the tunnel
crossing over the bridge
with the ones they love
and yet some
are deep in the tunnel
where darkness lies
in front of and behind them
but the train never worries
it has its own light
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 