FREEDOM (written 1/13)

[written on Friday, January 13, 2017]

Last night (Thursday, January 12) was amazing, but it was more than that because of certain things leading up to it.

Since last month, I’d been planning to dance with my flags at Poetry Night at The Prelude, but then, last week, something happened, and my desire to dance seemed crushed.

Even on Sunday morning, as I thought about going to church and dancing, I was brought to tears and couldn’t bring myself to go, so instead, I went to a meeting and was so glad I did, but as I knew last night was approaching, I hardly did anything to prepare.

Actually, I did “something” to prepare: I thought about looking for past poems but couldn’t bring myself to read my own thoughts. I had this vision of reading a couple poems, then dancing with the flags while someone played guitar, but the only person I asked couldn’t be there, so I decided to play it by ear (or heart, I should say).

A couple days before the event, I thought about the word FREEDOM and figured I’d let the audience sing that word in their heads, while I danced with my flags, but as we sat down at The Prelude last night, I knew that’d be awkward.

Then, I saw Manny with his guitar and thought I’d asked him, when I got up there, if he’d play music for me after, which he DID, and it went so beautifully!

The first poem I read was one I’d written that morning to Katie:

“Katie”

in just a moment
you’ll never know
what you mean to me
because
what you mean to me
doesn’t have words
only actions

it’s the way you smile
when you find something funny
and the way you move
when you laugh

it’s the way
you pull your hair back
exposing your perfect profile
for my view

it’s the long talks we’ve had
and the tears we’ve shared
it’s the friendship that’s grown
through Ariel’s birth

it’s the way I can speak to you
without any words
and the way you reply
in the same

imagining life
without you near
is like imagining a dance
without a song

no one really knows
what we’ve been through
and no one really knows
what we’re GOING to
but we do

and amidst it all
there’re so many good things
to look forward to

the long phone calls with laughter and tears
the video chats staying face to face
the recipe swaps making meal creations
the game apps
the letter writing
the times in thought

all those things wouldn’t appear
unless you disappeared
so farewell
and always know
you’re at home in my heart
***

The second poem was one I’d written Sunday evening, but this one, someday, will become a song.

“The Last Dance”

what is normal
anyway

what is normal
anyway

she sought her own
way away
and in the club
she saw

who she wasn’t
but who she needed
to be

that first shift
came with endless
drinks
a vicious circle
never meant to be

every hello
came with a compliment
every tip
came with a touch

something needed
something wanted
something more

a vicious circle
never meant to be

day after day
shift after shift
drink after drink

who was God
anyway

who was God
anyway

the darkest road
without an end

but just maybe there was
maybe there was

one by one
things removed
dancing stopped
drugs ran out
and step by step
led to recovery

just me with Him
to find me
***

That led to my word: FREEDOM, and the only One who offers it: Jesus! At that time, Manny came up to play some music, and guess what he played…

“FREEDOM REIGNS”!!!!

So, I got to dance with my flags to one of my favorite worship songs and received, yet again, a freedom I sorely needed!!

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