God’s Motivated Heart

In the past year, I’ve found that in leading a ministry, people want to hear my testimony and write about it, but what I’ve noticed is that they always want to write about what motivated me to stop dancing, and they usually want my answer to be that is was FOR God, but that wasn’t the case at all.

When I stopped dancing, it was because the club I was working at had lost their liquor license, and I refused to dance without drinking. When I stopped using crystal meth, it was because my dealer went to jail, and I didn’t know where to buy it. When I stopped selling my body, it was because people stopped buying it. The dirtiest I ever felt was after selling my body and not getting paid. I stopped smoking because someone gave me the patch. I stopped drinking because I couldn’t stop yelling at my kids. I didn’t stop doing anything FOR God, but He removed things from my life FOR me.

Maybe the pain of my existence motivated God to move. Maybe it’s because He always saw the bigger picture and formed my path to guide my feet towards His Heart. When I explain my testimony, at times, it seems I disappoint people. They “want” to hear that everything changed because I started walking with God, but in reality, He was walking with me, removing things in layers until I could see through the veil. When I finally DID choose to live FOR God, amazing things happened, and now that I live THROUGH Him, I will never be the same.

That’s another thing, people tend to want to write about more of the darkness to get their point across. I like to live in the Light and walk in the Truth, so that when you get a glimpse of the darkness of the past, you can’t even imagine it. If you look at my past, you’ll learn what NOT to do. If you like at my present, you’ll find hope, redemption, restoration, freedom, love, joy, peace…there’s no end to the abundant life of Jesus alive in us and around us. I can’t wait to live today inside His heart and create a past that’s pleasant to look at!!

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