For the past week, I’ve been cleaning a lot and, while doing so, have had some really cool conversations with God, and the whole time, there’s been a part of me that’s asked Him, “What was fixed?”, and I believe He’s been showing me.

First of all, let me give you a little background about my cleaning: I didn’t grow up with chores, and my best cleaning days were when I was on crystal meth. Until last year, I used to always joke about how when I stopped using drugs, I stopped cleaning, but something happened, where I changed my way of speaking over myself (although, I still catch myself saying that from time to time).

Last year, while I was in the kitchen, cleaning, God pointed out how I always spoke negatively over myself about cleaning. When I thought about it, I realized He was right. The things I “used” to say were, “I’m broken about cleaning;” “When I stopped using drugs, I stopped cleaning;” “I don’t know how to clean;” etc. When I realized that, I stopped and started speaking the opposite over myself.

Still, I hadn’t been cleaning much, but I noticed there was a desire in me to live in a clean house. I just wasn’t sure how I’d get there, but something happened last month, and I felt a “shift” happen inside of me but couldn’t explain it, but let me see if I can now.

A friend from my past had found me…a friend from some of the darkest moments of my past, and ever since that day, I’ve felt different, and I believe it was because there was a part of me I had hidden that could only be healed if I found this man, and he had found me.

Do you know someone in your life that seems too far gone and you have feelings about if they’ll make it, if they’ll ever find God, if they’ll ever listen to God? Well, that was me! And the fact that my friend found me and saw how whole I was, how on fire for God I was, how emotionally healthy I was humbled me. I was so grateful. Ever since then, I’ve been wanting to clean even more.

I don’t even know the “why’s” or the “how’s” of hiding something so deep from God. It wasn’t like He couldn’t see it. He knows everything, but I wonder if it was the everything He saw that prompted Him to touch the heart of my friend to find me. Jesus worked through that and healed that hidden part of me.

To activate me, God even opened up a housecleaning job for me to take, which I did and found out I “could” clean, and since then, I’ve tackled my home and have created a much cleaner environment for us to live in and for anyone who comes over to visit, and God keeps encouraging me along the way.

Even the other morning, I had so much in my heart to write; I was brought to tears because I couldn’t get it all out (that happens quite a bit), and a friend sent me a message about it not being a race, to just write what I could. As I was cleaning, I thought about that message.

God is so amazing! Even when I don’t think I need the change or don’t want the change, if there’s something that needs changing, He WILL make it happen. Well, He’ll give you the choices to make, and I’m glad I’m making the right ones.