Suffocation

Every once in awhile, I remember something pretty heavy from my past and feel led to write about it. Not everyone wants to read that stuff, so if you’re one of those people who don’t like it or worry too much about me, I suggest you move past this piece of heart.

In the past, I’ve had abortions, but for some reason, the first one has been stirred to remembrance, and, with that, have come many thoughts, some tears, and some revelation about other factors in my life.

During that time, I was on my own, finishing my senior year, and unsure who the father was, and to top it all off, I was sick with morning sickness all the time.

When you’re young, you think you have all the answers, but when you’re young and on your own, you KNOW you do (NOT)! Anyway, the men in my life (at that time) seemed to think an abortion was the way to go, and I ended up agreeing with them.

So here’s my latest wonder: did that create an invisible wall between me and others?

All that while, all I thought about was ME, not the grandmother losing her grand baby, not the other family members…losing a relative, not the parents without children…waiting for a chance. No, my thoughts were about ME, MY rights, and what “I” wanted.

So, here I am: redeemed; forgiven; made brand new, but is that how EVERYONE sees me? It doesn’t really matter because that’s how “God” sees me and knows me, but at times I think…

Is that why…?
Could that be why…?

When one takes a life, they affect more lives than they consider.

Back then, it was all about me, but now, that’s not my focus. My eyes are on Him, the One Who sees me through Love. He never gave up on me, and He called me to be a mother…regardless.

And to think, He loved me back there in that clinic AS MUCH as He loves me now…AMAZING GRACE!

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