Month: July 2016

“Anonymous Bound”

| Laura Lee Bonde

of course I want to write
what everyone likes
and I want to like
everything I read
but we’re all different

our hearts
our minds
our thoughts
our intake

so being “all”
wouldn’t work
and to write what I know
what’s inside
seems wrong

so I’ve gotten married
this fairytale life
that plays out like
a nightmare
but I can’t explain it

maybe I’ll create a website
in secret
no name
no identity
just a heart

expressing out loud
is what I do
but expressing out loud
is what I “can’t” do
so all of me’s inside

sometimes hiding
always waiting
wondering
when tears will fall

I’m not here to make sense
I’m here to BE love
but in marriage
sometimes that seems
difficult

Don’t Miss the Miracle

| Laura Lee Bonde

For the past couple weeks, the Harlingen High School’s been putting on a strength and conditioning camp for free, but on Thursday, something was different: this time, Nathan showed up.

20160716_092042

I know I’ve mentioned how hard this move’s been on Nathan, so getting him excited about football’s been challenging because there’re many things that discourage his mind (the weather, not knowing the kids, not having his brother coaching, etc.), but through it all, I’ve been trying to get him involved.

So far, Nathan’s being playing (a very little bit) on the 7-on-7 team, so he’d hadn’t been able to go to the conditioning camp (not like he wanted to anyway), but the 7-on-7 games ended a week ago Thursday, so he’s had time to go but hasn’t had the heart to.

A week ago Friday, I took him but found out they didn’t meet on Fridays. Then, on Monday, I had a tax meeting to go to and couldn’t take him, so Tuesday was “supposed” to be the day, but Nathan didn’t want to go, so I talked him into going and watching.

For about an hour, we sat in the car and watched the kids work out. As a mom, it broke my heart, and eventually, we left.

The next conditioning was to be on Wednesday, which was also youth group, so I gave Nathan the option of which to go to: youth group or football, and he chose youth group, which was fine by me.

At the church they go to for youth group, they also had a special speaker, so I decided to stay for it, and right before it began, the youth group came in, so Carolyn, Nathan, and I ended up listening to the same message, which spoke to each of us.

On Thursday, guess where Nathan chose to go: the strength and conditioning camp, and boy, was it a HARD workout! I stayed and watched every minute. Actually, it was so difficult for me; I wished I had a friend with me. Watching him try so hard, knowing what he’s been going through, feeling the heat…it took everything in me NOT to cry, but I held every tear inside and supported him.

Squats with heavy weights
Drills
More drills

Even now, I’m crying. This transition’s been so difficult! It’s one thing to go through it, but it’s another thing to watch your kids go through it. Anyway, even though he’d wanted to quit, he never gave up.

Afterward, on our way home, he spoke about the night before. He said, “Last night, that guy talked about God calling you where you didn’t want to go because that’s where the miracle’s hidden. I knew He meant football, so that’s why I went, but I didn’t see the miracle.”

He may not’ve seen it, but I did. Nathan showing up WAS the miracle! He’d heard God’s voice, followed it, and never gave up!

You know, I’ve heard it said before that “brave people” step out in faith, but actually, it’s the stepping out in faith which makes people brave. Nathan did it! He tackled the heat, the loneliness, the not knowing anyone, the isolation, the fear, and NEVER GAVE UP! And through it all, he may’ve made a friend.

Oh, and remember how I’d said I wished I’d had a friend with me? The next time we go, Carolyn said she’d go with me!

One by One

| Laura Lee Bonde

[written yesterday, 7/13/16]

This morning, I decided to go to the park near my house to pick up trash. Earlier this week, I’d posted some pictures of the area and had asked if anyone wanted to help but never received any feedback, so I just went, and it was bitter sweet.

I’d planned to go “early” morning but missed my alarm, so I didn’t get there until about 7:40 am, which, here in Texas, is already hot.

In case I ran into anyone wanting to help, I took some extra gloves and bags, but as I pulled into the park and realized there were already many people there, I assumed I wouldn’t need to carry the extras and began picking up trash where I parked, continuing on towards the fence.

By the time I’d reached the fence, I was worn out: I didn’t realize how tiring it was to pick up trash. No wonder no one wanted to help! Moving around in this heat was a little bit different than what I’m used to, and I’d forgotten water but figured I’d only be out there an hour or so. Well, it turns out an hour or so is quite awhile in this weather.

About a third of the way down the fence, I’d started getting light-headed and wanted to be done, but every time I’d wanted to quit, I’d turn back and look at what I’d accomplished, which motivated me to keep going forward. I’m not gonna lie: it was A LOT of work, but it wouldn’t’ve been so bad with more people (hint-hint).

In the end, I almost filled up a 30 gallon trash bag, and as I sought out a trash can that’d hold it, a man came up, thanked me for picking up trash, and gave me a tennis ball he’d found. That made my morning!

Anyway, I’m posting the pictures from when I’d wanted to quit because I thought it was neat how looking back at what I’d done motivated me to move forward in what I needed to do.

Here’s the area beforehand.

“Heaven’s Menu”

| Laura Lee Bonde

[written 7/10/16]

there’s something about laughter
that brings the enemy down

I picture laughter
sounding like
nails on a chalkboard
to the enemy

when we got to Texas
depression was heavy
lingering above us
dripping in our minds

one by one
we were silent
consumed with the sound
of the drip

one by one
we pulled out of it
and turned off
the spout

except Nathan

he’s been so sad
through it all

until last night

waiting at Denny’s for food
but being fed by Heaven
all it took
was one incident

and we were rolling!
F
O
R
E
V
E
R

abs sore
tears falling
laughter rising

Nathan came home
a different person
and Snapchat viewers
got a few laughs

I’d like to explain this poem a little. Continue reading →