For a while now, I’ve noticed how I’ve seemed to be given or buy shirts that were sewn wrong because they fit crooked on me. Well, it turns out the sewing was right, “I” was the one that was crooked…literally.
I realized that my right shoulder sets higher than my left, and then I realized that it may have been caused by always wearing my purse on my right shoulder. Men, us women will put “anything” in our purses and, sometimes, “everything,” which tends to get heavy, and through years of carrying it on my right, my shoulder naturally rises to hold the weight, so I decided to switch my purse over to my left side, and what do you know: the purse slid right off, which sent me on a journey. I began wearing my purse on my left shoulder to exercise my posture, and in doing so, God revealed something new to me.
In the past two weeks, I realized that, when my purse is on the left and my arm dangles down, my fingers grab hold of the zipper thingy, which brought me great comfort. Immediately, I felt more protected…safer. It was strange, and then, God started talking to me how we tend to hold on to things to find comfort and security.
He started reminding me how, when I would breast feed my kids, their little fingers would grab hold of my finger, my skin, my clothes. And then, I started thinking about as they grew, there was always something they’d cling to: a stuffed animal, a blanket, a toy, people. What began naturally as an infant became a habit through life. I believe one of the greatest secrets revealed is how to grab hold of God without tangibly feeling a thing.
God doesn’t hide things from us to never find. Actually, He hides things in plain sight in His word. Our vision just tends to get blurred. I have gone through life grabbing hold of everything: food, men, women, alcohol, drugs…anything to make me “feel” safe, but all of it was counterfeit, even this zipper thingy. I remember, as a little girl, I had so many stuffed animals on my bed; there was barely room for me to sleep. I must’ve needed security. I’m so glad I’ve found a way to hold onto God without needing anything else…except friends.
I am complete without a husband. I am satisfied without sex. I am high without drugs. The only thing I need to hold onto is the cross, and to me, that’s a life worth living.