There’s a mindset within the church that might be changed through this post.
Recently, I heard a sermon, and the pastor asked, “What’s the first question you ask someone, when they say they’re thinking about getting into a relationship?”, and the congregation responded in unison, “Are they a Christian?” I didn’t say a word.
Lately, this has been brought to my attention from listening to others and from listening to God. Don’t get me wrong; for the longest time, this was my response, too, but somewhere along the line, (for me) that changed.
Let me show you through a hypothetical example!
“Man A” – has been “saved” somewhere along the line, doesn’t go to church, has integrity and morals, has a lot of the same characteristics of God but doesn’t have a relationship with Him.
“Man B” – has been a “Christian” for sixteen years, goes to church regularly, reads and knows the bible, attends bible study and other church functions, prays, listens to worship and has a relationship with God.
Now, if a Christian woman approached you, asking who should she go out with, who would you encourage her to see?
Many of us would have the same answer.
Well, half of this hypothetical example was my reality.
In two thousand and eleven, “Man B” pursued a relationship with me, and very quickly, my reality became hell.
[Disclaimer: IF you know who I’m speaking of, please leave his identity concealed; this is ONLY to bring to light a mindset, not to trash someone’s reputation.]
On our very first date, this man fondled me. I remember thinking to myself, “Is this what “Christians” do?””
You see, this had been my FIRST relationship, since I’d fallen in love with God. It had been well over a year since I’d stopped having sex, and this man KNEW my desire to stay pure until marriage, yet he was touching me. I was very confused and excited at the same time.
Anyway, for our second date, he asked if he could make me dinner at his place. I thought, “How sweet!” It seemed very special to me, until I found out he’d planned for ME to be dessert.
That night, I had sex with him, and it, literally, crushed my spirit. I was heartbroken but hadn’t had the strength to not follow his lead. I cried the whole way home, felt used, dirty, slutty, etc., and that was only the beginning.
Because I’d had sex with him, I felt the need to marry him to make-things-right, but the only problem was he was a very unhealthy man.
I’d made the mistake of looking at the quantity of his Christianity and not the quality. The first date should have been the first and ONLY red flag to steer me in the right direction, but…
For a very long time, I stayed in this relationship, even got engaged, because I wanted to make-things-right with God and with myself. Slowly but surely, I’d become stuck in darkness, chained by sin, hoping he would change, but he didn’t.
Friends would counsel me about the way he treated me and the kids and couldn’t understand why I stayed with him, but they didn’t know my dirty secret and why I felt I needed to stay.
After awhile, I found strength to break the strong hold and broke off the engagement, but I’d kept in contact with him.
Then one day, I started seeing him again, trusting he’d changed, but it was only a matter of time, before for his TRUE colors showed, not physically but spiritually, and in October of two thousand and thirteen, I was freed from him forever.
My kids are still healing from it.
So, “being a Christian” shouldn’t be the only standard people go by.
This may be a touchy subject and might even anger some people, but that’s the thing about blogging: I can write what I want, regardless of anyone else.
From now on, I’m going to make it a point to find out about people without asking the question if they’re a “Christian.”