Behind the Eyes

Today, I’d like to open my heart about Nathan because he needs your prayers, but before I share about his heart, let me show you inside my mommy-heart.

Years ago, when Katie was suicidal, my crying would wake me up. Later, I learned that if you cry in your sleep, you’re probably depressed. Back then, I’m not sure I realized it, but now, I’m aware, so when we first came to Texas, depression looked familiar.

When your child’s hurting, the pain’s unbearable; although, you seem to live through it. Well, Nathan’s hurting.

Since we’ve been here, I haven’t seen “happiness” in his eyes.

Last night, before our date night, we dropped Carolyn and Nathan off at “Schlitterbahn Resort” for a youth group camp. A part of me wanted to give the pastor the down-low on what Nathan’s been going through, but a bigger part of me wanted to trust God and move out of the way.

As a mother, I tend to want to “help” God in making His will a reality, and most of the time, this “help,” actually, prevents it from happening, so this time, I prayed and let him go. We’ll see what happens.

I’m hoping he’ll make friends.
I’m hoping he’ll have fun.
I’m hoping he’ll bond with God.
And I’m hoping he comes home to happiness.

People tend to say happiness is a choice, but in order to CHOOSE something, shouldn’t it be an option?

Anyway, time seems to be a huge factor in all of this. At least, that’s what I’ve been told, so here’s to one more second, one more minute, on more hour, one more day in Nathan’s life.

And don’t let Carolyn fool you! She’s not happy either; she just hides it better and is closer to the age where she’ll be able to run and hardly ever look back.

They BOTH need your prayers and good thoughts, so thank you! I’m sure I’ll let you know how it goes.


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