I’m Back…

Just so you know, this post’ll have a lot of emotion, so if you don’t want to “feel,” scroll on.

I’m tired: I’m tired of hiding my website; I’m tired of hiding from certain people on Facebook; I’m tired of a lot of things, but as I sit here in tears, unable to stop, I’ll write because that’s how I get through things best.

About a month ago, I moved into my own place, and Carolyn came with me, but Katie stayed behind and began planning her move back to San Diego.

They (Katie and Ariel) will fly back on November thirtieth, and to be honest, my mommy/gramma heart hurts, but, as usual, life’ll go on in a different manner than before.

Because Katie’s leaving and will miss Carolyn’s eighteenth birthday, we celebrated it last night with a cake, which always makes Ariel cry. For some reason, she’s either afraid of the singing or the candles (or both), so right away, she had a baby meltdown. After she calmed, we ate some cake, Katie left for a bit, and then, we tried to play cards, which Ariel wasn’t having, so yeah, that was our night, and here, the morning after, I can hardly breathe.

I’m scared.

I’m scared of not seeing Katie and Ariel face to face for a while.

I’m scared of letting Carolyn down on her real birthday.

I’m scared of celebrating Christmas without Katie and Ariel.

I’m scared of not being able to afford chairs for the kitchen table before Nathan and Kyle arrive next month.

I guess I’m just scared about some things.

Many people will over think this post, but really, I’m just “feeling,” which I know will change throughout the day.

Sometimes, life changes, and throughout those changes, it’s okay to “feel;” that’s how we adapt. On the other side of those feelings births a new kind of normal, which comes from trusting God in all areas of life, starting now.

Katie and Ariel can always video chat with us, which’ll keep us connected.

I don’t think Carolyn expects too much for her eighteenth birthday. She knows our finances.

Although I’ll miss Katie and Ariel at Christmas time, they’ll be starting their own traditions with William (who hates me; I’m not sure why; he just always has).

And if I can’t afford chairs, will set the couches around the coffee table.

See, how in a moment of writing, every fear was faced, and each provision of God was seen! Everything will be more than okay, and every moment of our new normal will be lived, experienced, appreciated, and remembered through eyes of love.

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2 thoughts on “I’m Back…

  1. I’m so glad you’re back on line! I love the raw emotions that flow as your fingers fly across the keyboard. In you I see an unquenchable strength and peace because God has your back. Always has. Always will. TV shows are entertaining, but they.don’t.reflect.reality. Life is messy. Relationships are hard. Things don’t always work out perfectly. Be encouraged — you minister to many. Much love to you and your beautiful, growing family.

    Liked by 1 person

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