Last night, the team that will be going to the porn convention on February 27th was blessed with hair cuts, and I received a color as well (I’ve got a lot of grey, and I’m not ready to go all natural yet). I feel like we walked in looking amazing, and then, we walked out looking MORE amazing, so why did I wake up this morning crying?
I wanted my hair darker, so it would look different. Well, it turned out way darker, and it looks way different. Every once in awhile, the mirror is my enemy; last night and this morning, it was my enemy. (I’m not fishing for compliments…only sharing the honesty of my heart.) I could not stop crying. It was crazy, so I went to my bed to be with God, a very special place to me.
In 2010, as I had fell deeper in love with God, I had fallen in love with my kids and decided to stay home more to love them more completely, so I had a talk with God and told Him, “If I can’t get to places to learn, You better teach me right here in my bed.” And He did. After that, His Words just opened up in my heart in an explosive way and released revelation over and over again, so when I cuddle up with Him in my bed, it is very special.
As I cried, entered, and stayed in that “special place” with Him, I asked Him what He thought of me, how He saw me, and listened. He is SO gentle, SO loving, SO passionate. He even told me not to focus on the tears, that His strength was rising up in me. I’m telling you: I FEEL AMAZING!!
Many times, I reach out to others for prayer instead of praying to the One Who answers them. Lately, I’ve been learning so much. It’s incredible. I DO feel amazing. I love my hair. I love the color because none of it matters. I see Jesus!