man, my writing used to be
full of life one could breathe
but now
it seems to be one moment
of despair
after another
I wanna be that life for you
for my family
for my husband
but when you’re unhappy in marriage
you tend to gasp
for air

I went from absolute freedom
to losing at childish games
passive aggressiveness
silence with problems
different ambitions
actually, no ambitions
opposite health
goals
everything

I can’t even explain it
or maybe I shouldn’t
it-takes-two
has turned to one
but I know what I’m good for

being corrected
being demeaned
being smiled at
sex

there’s no intimacy
apart from sex
there’s no interest
in anyone else
but the cat

I wasn’t blind
things were hidden
I felt God speak
so I jumped
without a parachute
and landed
too broken to move

so I breathe
in and out
in and out
in and
out
in
and out

it’s there
where I think to go on
or not
behind closed doors
deeply in God
anything’s possible
but as I take on the day
I feel ruined

trapped
in words
trapped
in thought
trapped
in side

this is another one
of those hidden poems
in plain site