I have always loved the weather…always wanted to experience all four seasons, and I have always appreciated the clouds more than any other characteristic of nature, but ever since I’ve become friends with Lee, I’ve noticed the weather a lot more, and it doesn’t always bring a smile to my face.
The clouds…I absolutely LOVE the clouds. If I had to choose between a sunny day and a grey, cloudy one, I would choose the grey, cloudy one every time. Yesterday, as I was at my desk, I was watching the weather through the window: the trees were dancing in the wind; the clouds were blocking the sun from shining. It was beautiful, so I stepped out onto the balcony and experienced my happiness crash.
I thought about Lee, and the wind grew colder, the clouds became darker, and I envisioned the night ahead and almost cried. There’s a way to walk through life where other people’s circumstances don’t affect you. I’m not there yet, and the thought of Lee living through the changes of weather seemed unimaginable. Quickly, my thoughts turned back to work, and I went on with my day, until it was time to leave.
When I walked outside, I realized the wind was blowing more, the clouds had grown a darker grey, and the scent of rain seemed to be somewhere in the distance. As I headed to the car, a homeless man named “Curly” approached me and started talking about his life: his teenage years, his childhood years, the problem with drugs on the street, etc. He was sharing with me which bathrooms are the best, when they’re locked, who his friends were during his younger years…about his family. He really wanted to talk, so I listened and froze.
It was so cold. I was standing there, “trying” to BE THERE for him, but as my body chilled, I thought of Lee. I offered to pray for Curly, but he declined and showed me his Vodka. I’ll see him again. God’s doing something in him.
I continued on to the car and asked God what I was supposed to do. How often do you open your home? Certainly, if it’s going to rain… I sat in the driver’s seat and stopped. Ahead of me were dark, grey clouds. I had had such a busy weekend with making worship flags, being mom, and being a friend, that I just wanted to go home and rest, soak physically and spiritually. As I drove away, I found myself heading to Balboa Park (just to check on him).
Whenever I stop by after work, Lee is always pleasantly surprised. We stood there and talked for a while. Eventually, I let him know my concerns. He said he’d be okay and shared about previous rains: the times he’d gotten wet and the times he escaped under a tree. Just standing there, I was cold. I had been cold with Curly, too. After about twenty minutes, we said good-bye, and I left.
In the car, I had the heater on my feet. There’s so much in life that I’ve taken for granted but appreciate so much more now. Lee’s a grown man with his own choices. I should be fine with that, and I am, but that doesn’t stop me from feeling. That doesn’t stop my heart from caring…the tears from falling.
When I came home, I was sharing with Carolyn my heart and began to cry again. I said, “Why did God choose me?” Then I sat down, wiped my tears, and understood why God chose me.
Life is so worth living. Love is so worth becoming. I wonder what God will do next.