Okay, so, when I say I’m “fine” being single, I really am FINE being single, but every once in awhile, thoughts of being married, having a ceremony, dancing, or the honeymoon will flash through my mind, and most of the time, those thoughts are good. Let me share with you my thoughts from yesterday.
First of all, I recently decided that I would like a ONE worship gathering to be my reception, following right after the ceremony. The thought of spendingthe first day with my husband worshiping my Husband in heaven amazed me. Then, people could come and go as they pleased, and they’d have twenty-four hours to stop by and say, “Hi!” It’s been my thought, and yesterday, I went there.
Mind you, I have no one to think about in the groom’s position, so I only picture myself.
I saw myself dancing in a white dress, worship flags in my hands, dancing around the worship team. I saw joy, excitement, new life. Then, I saw my kids off to the side watching me, and saw through their eyes what THEY were seeing: watching their mommy having joy for someone else; preparing to go away for a week…almost losing a part of their mommy, and I felt so much compassion.
Right now, my kids have ALL of their mommy’s love. The reality is, if I was married, some of my love would be for my husband. I don’t even know how all of that works. Then, I thought about broken families, divorce, how “different” everything is when you’re a single mom, a single dad. I realized something: God has me right where He wants me.
I wished I could encourage families to stay together, but what if the relationship was bad? I wished I could tell young ones to only marry if they really loved the person, to wait to have sex, so children would grow up with mommies and daddies in the same home. I wished…, but that’s not my reality.
This vision was very humbling, very sobering. I have a Husband. His name is God, and I’m going to stay married until He says otherwise. IF it DOES happen, everything will work out: the kids will be okay; “I” will be okay; my fiance will be okay, and the marriage will be something gained, not something lost.