On Saturday, Katie told me (with much excitement) that she and her boyfriend had been approved for a place and would be moving in together at the end of the month. [The first place fell through.] When I received the news, I didn’t cry. I thought, “Oh, maybe it’s because I cried the first time around,” but I was wrong…way wrong.
Yesterday, as I was making flags, she told me how she was moving her things out the next day (today). What? What happened to the end of the month! All of the sudden, tears flooded my eyes. The feeling attached to them…I ran out of time.
This overwhelming feeling came over me that, somewhere inside of me, I hoped to fix everything I’d done wrong in her life in the week before she moved. I didn’t even know that that feeling existed, until the week was taken away from me, so out of last-minute-hope, I asked if she wanted to go out to dinner after work. She said yes!
[Mind you, I couldn’t even afford it; I just knew I wanted to eat with her. Once again…rent “seems” impossible, but Katie knew that and ended up paying for dinner. Phew!]
Now, I KNOW that my feelings were wrong. As I’m writing all of this, I have tears running down my cheeks. It’s like with God…nothing you do will make Him love you more or less. He just LOVES. There’s nothing I can do to make Katie love me more or less. I know that she loves me completely, and living my life through God’s heart is the best way to show her my love. Anything left inside her will be between her and God. But still, that desire to “fix” the past creeps up on me sometimes.
We had such a lovely time: on the way to the restaurant, walking to the restaurant, during dinner, and on the drive home. On the way there, she told me that she would be spending her first night in her new place after dinner. Man, how time flies!
It almost feels like our dinner was a way to close the relationship we had with one another and open a brand new one. Mothers and daughters have talked about a point in time, when their relationships became more like best friends, not so much like mother-daughter pressured ones. I believe that point in time has finally come for me and Katie.
Right now, she’s walking up and down the stairs, loading the car with her things. I told her I was writing about her…that’s why I was crying. She said she heard me sniffling and figured that was the reason. I’m so excited for her.
Is it possible to be so excited for someone and so sad at the same time? Yes. I don’t even know what it’s going to be like to not see her face, to not have her voice spoken into the walls, to not see her things around the house. Man, God’s going to have a gallon jar for this one!!
God bless all the parents and kids who go through this. I will NOW know how to comfort you.
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 