It’s funny: the title of this was my reality yesterday, and I believe yesterday happened, so that I would have this title, and someday, it’ll be the title of a book I’ll write about faith. Faith: it’s in me; I know it; I breathe it; I live it. But there are times, when, the reality of not having much makes fear a temptation, and yesterday was one of those times.
Assured that I’d have the money in time, I had scheduled for a payment to go through on a bill yesterday but had forgotten about it, so it went through as planned, without all the money being there…whoops. Right after I received an email thanking me for my payment, I received an email from the bank informing me I was overdrawn. That didn’t set well.
Back in the day, I lived paycheck to paycheck to pay for my overdraft fees. I’ve had to close accounts because of being overdrawn all the time, so it’s always been a nice feeling to be responsible in that area of my life. It’s been awhile since I’ve been overdrawn, so it caught me off-guard.
All this happened while Lee was sitting on the couch. I wanted to be alone to fall apart, but he was here. I wanted to cry, but he was here. We were soon to leave to take him back to the park, but that hadn’t happened yet, so while he was waiting outside, I went to the restroom to fall apart, and that’s what I did but only for a moment.
In the bathroom, I fell to my knees and wept. I had thoughts of ‘no one is helping me,’ ‘I’m failing,’ ‘rent’s due in two weeks, and I’m overdrawn,’ etc. In the midst of tears, I realized I was in the arms of fear and started to rebuke fear and doubt, but then I thought, “I could do that all day long. Instead, I’m going to declare faith,” so that’s what I did.
I began professing all the faith I had…declaring that I’ve been given the same amount of faith as Jesus, and immediately, I felt better. I took Lee to the park, sewed more flags, had a woman stop by to order flags (who prepaid part), and continued on to what was planned in the evening…all without fear.
The fact that no one has offered to help me is actually an honor. I believe no one helps because they see my strong faith and know that God will continue to come through for me. I’m face to Face with God, and nothing is going to stop me from receiving His promises, not even the lack of finances. I’m excited to see how the next two weeks unfold.