“You are beautiful:” those are the words I heard over and over again last night. As I was flagging at Straight Up Worship, Krissi came up and told me how beautiful I was. She just kept saying, “You are beautiful” and wasn’t quite sure why those were the only words she could say. I began to cry and told her, “Because those are the words I need to hear the most,” and God knew that, and even with all those words of beauty spoken over me, this morning, I saw myself as ugly.
When will that end!
A few minutes ago, I saw a video of me flagging, and immediately, a poem came out of me, but it wasn’t a poem of beauty or grace. It was a poem of not seeing what you see. I’ll post it and will be prepared for the comments.
Sometimes, God asks me to post or write things that I just don’t want to, and this is one of those times. I would love to tell you that this battle of beauty has been won, but clearly, God’s showing me that there’s more healing for my soul to embrace.
I declare, in the Name of Jesus, that I will someday see a video of me flagging and will see my beauty, and I declare that that moment will never end!
This isn’t a post to get your compliments. This is a post from my heart on why I’m crying right now.
It doesn’t matter if I wear clothes to cover up what I think is fat. It doesn’t matter if I get my haircut a certain way or wear more makeup. I’ll still be “me” and want to see myself as beautiful no matter where I am, no matter what I’m doing, no matter what I’m wearing, etc. I’m glad God revealed this to my heart because once He reveals it, He heals it and takes it away!