Yesterday, I was reminded of how I used to live with expectations of people, and it was very unhealthy for me, but at the time, I didn’t even notice it.
Before I got sober, which was almost ten years ago, I used to struggle A LOT, and I expected everyone who had money to help me. I mean…they had the money, so why not? I just didn’t understand what the big problem was. AND to top it all off, most of the time, I expected people to help me without asking them. Well, that wasn’t a good way to live.
One person who fell in that category was my ex-husband, Scott. He was always good with money, always good with saving, and always good with helping me, but yesterday, I learned that I had expected it. THAT’s why it’s been difficult to “receive” from him, lately. I don’t even WANT to resemble that person, but God keeps reminding me that I’m not that way anymore and to let Him bless me through Scott, so I did. God knows my heart is different.
I remember back when I first started going to church on a regular basis. Someone close to me was in desperate need, and I voiced it in Sunday school, expecting the “Christians” to fill me up with money to help that person. I didn’t even ask. I just put the situation out there and expected something in return. No one gave a cent, and I walked away very irritated. I was so blind (and deaf).
Now, it’s so different. The only One I expect from now is God, and that’s because He tells me to. I’ll be honest with you: I won’t have enough for bills AND rent, and I need to file my taxes for the first quarter, which will take away from what I already have. I don’t expect anyone to help me, but as I listen to God, what I’m hearing may not set well with man, but I don’t care about man, when it comes to listening to God.
My biggest forms of advertisement are word of mouth and getting out there with my flags. God didn’t bless me with this business to sit on my bum and expect it to run by itself. I need to do my part.
Every moment I live is worship to Him, and I think He likes the sound my life song makes.