Every once in awhile, I experience a loneliness that HAS to be felt, and last night was one of those nights.
When it’s time to dye flags, the whole process is pretty taxing physically and spiritually, for me anyways, so by the end of the night, I was exhausted, and it’s at that moment of exhaustion when I find I miss a husband the most.
All I picture is sitting down and resting with him, whoever “that” is, but at the same time, I feel super close with God, so I’m never sure how to react, so I just react.
At first, I was sitting on the couch, eating cold rice, drinking a Dr Pepper, and pondering about God, the flags, rent (sigh), etc., and right about then, a very good friend of mine sent me a text, asking how my day was. It’s as if she was there in person, looking me in the eyes. I started to cry.
As I was crying, I started crying more, so much so that I decided to sit on the floor because it seemed like such a safe place to let it all out, and I did (in tears). I just get so tired of being alone sometimes. I know Jesus lives in me…I know, but there are still times when I think of how nice it would be to talk about things with that someone special, and I know other women (and men) feel that same way, too. We just don’t express it because of what we’ll hear.
In the past, when I’ve opened up about this stuff, people have told me: you just need to see Jesus as your husband; you don’t know how blessed you are to be single; you just need to keep your eyes on God; stop thinking of yourself; etc., etc., etc.
Maybe, if I don’t have the gift of being single, it’s possible to have Jesus as my Husband and want one in the natural as well. Maybe, my eyes ARE on God, and that’s WHY I want a husband. I don’t believe that feeling lonely is a sin or a bad thing, but I could be wrong.
I didn’t read anywhere in the bible where God said, “Well, Adam has taken His focus off of Us. We better make him a bride.” Maybe, He was watching Adam and noticed that, at times, he was a little down, lonely, and said, “It’s not good for man to be alone”…just saying.
I bless all the married couples out there. I bless all the single ones out there. I bless all those who’ve been given that “gift” of singleness, and I bless my future husband, wherever he may be.