Ointment of Fear

You know, some days are for reaching out to others, but every once in awhile, I feel God reaching in to me, and yesterday was one of those days.

In mid-morning, I was reminded about a feeling I had the previous day while on outreach, a feeling of longing for a husband. As I was reminded of the feeling, I experienced it all over again, so I decided to ignore it and wash dishes. It didn’t work.

As I was washing dishes, a poem sang out of my heart, so I went to the computer to release it. Usually, after I write about something, I feel better and move on. This time, I felt the same, maybe even worse. All I wanted to do was hide in my home, in my bed, but being a mom, that wasn’t an option, so I headed out for my day with the kids…lonely in my heart.

All the while, my foot was in pain.

Kyle talks to me about my foot, how I should rest it, so it will heal. I don’t rest it that often because I need to be making flags. Even though the rent was just paid, there are new bills on the horizon, and a new month approaching fast, so there’s really no time for rest, but at the boys’ football game, I decided to rest.

As I was watching the game, resting my foot, Corrie came over and sat with me. I talked to her about my “lonely” feelings, how they usually go away, but how, this time, they were lingering. She invited us over for dinner, so late afternoon, we traveled over there.

I had already told Carolyn how I wouldn’t be going to church with her the following morning, so I could rest my foot, but the real reason was I wanted to isolate, but God had different plans.

As I hung out with Clayton and Corrie, I noticed how healing it was for me and was soaking in every minute. After a while, they both looked at my foot, and Corrie offered to put some oils on it. As she did, she prayed.

In her prayer, she mentioned how different wounds have different layers of healing. One thing I expect of myself is to be healed IMMEDIATELY (emotionally and physically) because Jesus lives in me, and when that doesn’t happen, I think I’m hard on myself.

[This is making me cry.]

Even with my foot: I want it healed NOW, so I go about life as usual, but I’m afraid to leave it uncovered because it hurts, so I glob on the ointment, leave it covered, and wonder why a scab won’t form…why it’s not healing. Did fear stand in the way of my healing? …emotionally and physically? Probably.

Anyway, I voiced to Corrie how I planned to isolate, and she’s not having it, so I’ll be taking the kids to church today, dancing with my flags, praising the One True God, Who is honored to be my Husband.

And my foot and my heart, both, feel better today!

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