All throughout childhood, permission was needed to do just about anything: at home, in school, at a friend’s house, etc. It was always polite to ask, necessary to wait, expected to raise your hand in class. I wonder when I grew out of that, or did I?
Recently, I’ve noticed some areas in my life where I practically stood still, until I was given permission, but some of my paralyzation was a reaction to invisible opinions: what people “might” say or think. When I go through these things, I wonder if I’m alone, but after I write about them, I realize there’re more who feel the same.
When I first started writing on Facebook, it was apparent to me that I liked to write, and it took more than a paragraph to relay my heart, so I would try to shorten it and note that it may be too long. Right away, people responded for me to write, that it was never too long, and those comments gave me permission to write, so I did, without worry.
Another time, I wanted to write A LOT and commented in my writing how I needed to write a book about it, and one woman commented on my website that it was my own blog, to write as much as I wanted. Her words gave me permission to write more, so I did, without worry, and I felt so good afterwards.
Again, when I started writing songs, they would pour out of me, one right after the other. I felt like I was posting too much, and I voiced my worry. A friend commented to write away, so I did. It’s like, somewhere inside me, I needed that permission to move forward.
And then recently, poems began to flow a lot, and a part of me was worried about posting annoyingly, but like always, I voiced it through writing, and someone mentioned it was good stuff, to keep writing, so I did.
What has caused me to wait for permission?
I’m forty-three years old, commissioned by God, anointed with Jesus, filled with power of the Holy Spirit, yet I’ve waited for permission to write. There are still things inside me, waiting to come out…waiting for the moment to let loose. Am I waiting for permission “still?” I hope not. I feel like, over and over and over, God has placed people in my life to say, “Go ahead, Laura! Write!”
Actually, as I’m writing this, it may only be in this area where a pause and hold back because I seemed to not have a problem starting my own business and walking away from a full time job; I seemed to not have a problem with stepping into my calling and stepping away from another; I seemed to not have a problem with standing my ground, guarding my purity…no, it seems to be with writing…I hold back.
Through it all, I’ve learned that opinions don’t matter much; if you don’t like my writing, you can scroll past it; if it’s too long, you don’t have to read it.
I wonder if anyone else is waiting for permission. Well, all I have to say about that is, “Go for it!!”