Holidays are the Hardest

Yesterday was my favorite holiday of the year. Well, it “used” to be my favorite. We’ll see if it still remains…

It’s funny: I’ve ALWAYS loved the Fourth of July, but somewhere along the way, it became my favorite because of the firework shows and being with ALL my kids…two things I didn’t have this year, but when I thought about it, I didn’t have those last year, either.

As most of you know, moving to Texas “traumatized” me for a little while, and one of the traumatizing things was not being able to celebrate the 4th like we’d done in the past in San Diego, but I kept that part silent because I felt a little childish that it’d affected me so badly. Well, this year turned out pretty good, until the end.

First, I’ll back up.

Out here, it’s different: people celebrate more on the weekend than on the fourth. It’s more about being with friends and family and less about the fireworks. Actually, Katie and I talked about it yesterday; we’ve done more family get-togethers in the past month than we’ve done her whole life, which has been really nice, so on the third was another one of those get-together times.

[Fair warning: this post’ll be long because there’s SO much to write about.]

On July 3rd, we headed over to our Aunt’s house for a celebration, which included spending time together, eating, football for the kids, music, and fireworks. The kids had a lot of fun. We ALL did, so it seemed to be just an early holiday, until the fourth rolled around.

Before that get-together, Katie and I’d decided to go somewhere to see fireworks…either South Padre Island or McAllen, but as Monday played out, Carolyn and Nathan decided they didn’t want to go and Katie’d been okay with the night before, so we cancelled seeing fireworks, but as soon as we talked about NOT going, I began to cry.

As long as I can remember, I’ve loved the Fourth of July, and throughout the years, we’d made a tradition of some things, but just because we’d lost all our traditions didn’t mean we had to lose the holiday, as well, so as I sat there, I thought about what the tears were falling for.

I knew they weren’t for Kyle; those’d fallen the night before. I knew they weren’t for the kids cancelling; I’m not a fan of making them DO things they don’t want to do, so as I evaluated my tears, I found they were for missing fireworks on the Fourth of July and decided, in that moment, to go see them and went in the kitchen to tell Katie. Immediately, she’d wanted to go with me, so we got ready.

As we headed out to McAllen, we talked about a lot of things and how we were glad we were headed to see fireworks. We found the park, parked the car (with ease), found a spot to sit, and waited. By the time fireworks began, we were ready, and by the time it was over, we’d realized we’d seen the BEST fireworks show EVER!

No music…we ALL weren’t together, yet it was the best! The finale kept going and going and going and…we couldn’t stop laughing. We were overflowing with so much joy that the people next to us were laughing at us laughing. It was SO good, but after we got home, the mood’d changed.

At home, we found nobody’d eaten dinner, so we decided to make it a late one, and while getting ready, Carolyn and Nathan were snapping at each other, and during dinner, we found out why.

After Nathan was done eating, I was telling Scott about the kids moodiness towards one another, and right then, Nathan broke down crying at the table.

This move has been SO hard on him: he loves his mommy; he loves his daddy; and he loves his friends. No matter where he chooses to live, he’ll be missing someone.

Many people’ve talked to me about…well, it’s a part of life…he’s growing…they’re lessons, etc., but I disagree. Thirteen year olds should NOT have to go through this. Anyway, while he cried with his head down on the table, I rubbed his back…no words would do.

On the way home, Carolyn and Katie were talking and the radio was playing low, but all I could hear over all that noise was the silence of Nathan’s little heart.

The kids have a tough decision to make, one that hasn’t been made yet.

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