I’m sure there are perfect Christians out there, who never agree with fear, never have doubt, never lose track, etc., but I’m not one of them, and yesterday, I made the mistake of looking at my bank account balance…never a good idea, but Nathan wanted some specific food from Sam’s Club, so I needed to check.
When I saw my balance, I thought, “Oh, no! What am I doing! How is this going to make sense! The kids depend on me. What am I going to do?, etc.” It was fast. It was accurate (to the world). It was NOT Kingdom living, and I got sucked right into it. It was crazy.
So, before I headed to the store, I began to complete a GoFundMe campaign but didn’t have total peace about it, so I saved where I left off at and went to the store.
As I went out to the car, I noticed my safe distance from the kids and began to cry (safe from being where the kids would hear or see my crying). Suddenly, Kyle pops out from around the corner, sees me, and says, “What’s wrong?”
Ladies: you know how that is! When you are super emotional but holding it back and someone you care about asks ‘What’s wrong,’ it’s like the tears fall like rain. I broke and told him why.
I explained my fear of money but told him it would be okay…that “I” would be okay and went to the store. As I was driving, I reminded God of His promises for me. I reminded Him of what He was doing in my life and where He’s called me to be and continued on my way.
Later on, as I was talking to a friend about my day, my account, and what went through my mind, he reminded me to listen to God and reminded me to remember that His ways don’t always coincide with the world’s. He prayed off the fear, so there was more room to receive God’s Love and blessed me.
I felt brand new…so new that I started making my experimental flag, which turned out GORGEOUS!! Carolyn asked, “Mom, can I use those before you sell them.” I told her how I couldn’t sell them because I had cut a hole in the material by accident. (…really…by accident. I cut that hole in January and am just now dying them. They are so pretty, and the way God’s having me sew them doesn’t make sense, which means they’ll be amazing!)
In Kingdom living, there’s no room for fear, for sloth, for giving up. There’s no room for depending on the world, the bank, the sense that’s so common. It’s OUR job to make room for His Perfect Love to flow through us without anything being in the way.
God has a plan.
I’m in it.
And it’s going to be good.